Pnuemonia saved my life

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Pnuemonia saved my life

I am just getting over a painful and horrific week of twists and turns of every sort. Finances, family, babies changing continuously, pnuemonia and everything that brings with it, being alone through another tough time with out any family physically here to help, moving and everything that entails, dealing with personal demons, struggling to look in the mirror becuase I don't like what I see, that has been my week. But just like from past experiences in my life and there are many what doesn't kill makes you stronger. I am now ready to something about it. I first realized I was still carrying all of this responsiliblity on my shoulders. I let it go, I gave it to God and felt better instantly. Of course it is not that easy. There were some more realizations along the way. Everything happens for a reason, and though I am not saying I feel God made me get pnuemonia so I might actually stop for a week and slow down I am grateful that I could take advantage of my position and start now. I have had to be quarantined. Those of you that actually know me this is my biggest down fall. I need people, I need my daughter, and I need my husband. I am very capable but I would rather do it all with them around me. In my time to ponder the universe with my mind I kept running into the fact that I never have time to pray I never have time to walk the dog I never have time to eat more fruit or go take photos or draw or read a book. I dont have time becuase I dont make time. The truth is I choose what I do with my time and no one else. I need to make the choice to wake up and walk the dog and enjoy the life I am blessed with. All of this opportunity as a stay at home to slow down and enjoy life. I dont have to be somewhere at a certain time everyday so enjoy have a cup of coffee (decaf or I will go nuts) and sit and just be thankful for everything around me. As my mind began to wonder off again like the branches of some gorgeous tree from a storybook hillside I hit on the fact that when we move into our larger place with better immenities and such that life will be better I tell myself. When I think back to many cermons Pastor Ron preached. "If you aren't happy in one pasture you wont be happy in the next. You must learn to be happy in the current pasture (situation) before moving on to enjoy the next. Otherwise you WILL just find yourself going around in circles unitl you figure it out." So I looked around my room I was stuck in. Suddenly as I looked around with a different approach to everything it all became much brighter. We are blessed and fortunate enough to own everything that is in our place. We OWN a house full of furniture and nice stuff to be thankful for. Not everyone can say that. We have all the interior to make a house a home it could be a lot worse! When we move next month this will all be showcased properly and life will be decluttered. I am also working on decluttering my life in other ways. Enjoying one thing at a time and not multi tasking when I dont have to. I am not in a rush. The more I slow down and I am able to look around at the beauty around me life is so much more pleasant. I am so much more pleasant. I am not picking myself apart. I am enjoying and focusing on my husband and what I can do for him. What new things my daughter and I can explore and enjoy together. What I can do on our budget to bless our friends and family. While slowing down other areas that needed tending to came up and where addressed. Friendships were mended and others are blossoming because I am giving it what it deserves. Including a love/love realationship with myself. I am glad that I was able to get out of my circle it was really riding thin. Plus I could really use some new scenary. Now I can just look back and giggle. I can cry some happy tears and move forward carrying my new outlook with me. The real test will begin when I can get out of bed and get back to normal, well my new normal. but I am ready to approach the challenge only this time it is not my foot prints you will see in front. I dont know the real purpose of a blog I just feel it is a place you can write down how you feel if someone wants to read it great. Well I had to learn this one the hard way and I thought maybe someone else somewhere is feeling the same way too. So if you are I hope that you found your way to my blog and maybe you got some answers. Maybe you are even more confused. Either way I am writing this to remind myself when life gets going too fast again to come back to this so I dont have to do it the hard way. So I learned that I need to give it to God. I need to slow down. I need to take time for myself and "as for me and my house we will serve the Lord." If you arent doing this please try it what can it hurt. By doing all of the above I feel better and alive again encouraged to take it on I pray you will too.