unforunate turn of events

I never was any good at the short version...
(For those reading be aware I am talking about my pregnancy and some things may be considered gross to some.)
I woke up this morning with intense contractions having flash backs to Paisley's severely painful delivery. After an hour of watching the clock and them staying at 3-4 min apart I called the Dr and they of course said to go straight to the labor and delivery (this would be my 4th visit between Kaiser and Paisley's pregnancies NOT counting the actual delivery) so I knew the drill. I woke Jason up to let him know I was going in to be monitored. So he stayed home with Paisley and off I went to the hospital. The dark cold empty roads were foreign to me as I have not been out side after dark but twice in the last 5 months. Between contractions and tears I managed to get to the hospital, park and find my way inside safely. When I arrived they were waiting for me and wheeled me up to LD (labor and delivery) once upstairs everything happened right on cue. "Pee in a cup and leave us a sample, get undressed, the opening goes in the back," and so on. After the kind nurse helped me get my socks on she walked me to my new resting area for the next part of the early morning. They monitored my contractions and gave me a shot of Terbutaline. That kicked in 30 quick seconds later... and then came the interesting part! The lovely nurse explained that she needed to check to see if I was dilated. She said that I HAD thinned out since my appointment only a few days ago on the 23rd. After checking me she went typing away into the computer. Suddenly she turned to me and literally freaked out asking me if I had placenta previa, I said yes my Dr has told me that I have it. (I was never allowed to take sex education growing up... so I know ZILCH when it comes to this pregnancy stuff and the inside workings of my own body. I just happened to research placenta previa online a few days prior, so I had some clue how dangerous it was but still not to the fullest--see previous blog post for explanation of placenta previa) she explained that NOTHING should be "up there" because if the placenta was to rupture then we are in serious trouble. I apologized for not telling her how to do her job (very politely) and explained I assumed she new and I was trusting she checked my charts before she checked me... after a few moments of nervousness of whether or not she caused any damage we moved on to the next dilemma. Next they/we thought that my water had broke as I was sitting in a mini puddle of... something. They tested it and were inconclusive as to whether it was amniotic fluid or not, so they brought in the ultrasound to see how much fluid Kai still had surrounding him. There was enough fluids still that they were not concerned and said to just let them know if there was any more. Well here is a gross part... I am in the process of losing my mucus plug, and on top of that the placenta previa causes a strange sort of bleeding here and there, so now every time I have to pee it is a new "scare" to see what is or is not coming out. (End of gross part, sorry) Well by now 3 hours of monitoring had past and the shot of Terbutaline had worked for the first 2 hours then they began to return, but only back to my "normal contractions" so they talked with the on call Dr and returned with the news. Officially I am on the highest level of at home bedrest. I have been given strict orders and they read: Your activity will be complete bed rest and in most cases requires hospitalization to achieve. With this restriction you should spend your time in bed and laying flat. This may involve using a bed pan and having sponge baths. In some cases a bedside commode will be allowed. (as if that is a privilege?)
The nurse was kind enough to give me permission to get up ONLY to use the restroom and nothing else. So no bedside commode or bedpan will be needed... THANK GOD. After giving me this news the nurse explained the importance of adhering to these rules. She informed me that the next step will be hospitalization. She also informed/threatened me that they are very strict at not allowing any children into the rooms due to flu scare and how at risk pregnant women are. So if I were to end up in the hospital (she mentioned she wasn't even sure why they were not admitting me in the first place) that I would NOT see my daughter for the next 7 plus weeks! (Of course she finally had my attention) She also explained that I am a huge risk between the early labor and the placenta previa. The placenta previa is the largest reason as to why the bedrest is so strict and mandatory as it puts both Kaiser and me at risk of bleeding out and dying. Just standing causes gravity to take effect and because he is head down and where my placenta is still resting, that gravity itself (nevermind the contractions on top of it) can cause the membrane to rupture and put us both at a huge risk.
So needless to say I have been laying down all day and will be until Feb the 14th when I can stop my meds and Kaiser will be far along enough to come out safely. (as far as my Dr is concerned) Jason has it worked out to get a computer to take home so he can work from home 3 days a week and the other two days friends have stepped in to help watch Paisley for the day so Jason can go in to work. Friends have already started bringing us dinners and blessing us just by offering to help out in any way they can. We know that the Lord has a plan for everything and though we may not know WHAT that is, it's not the point. The point is that He never gives us more than we can handle and since He is along side of us and building our relationship together as a family learning to REALLY TRULY lean on one another and other friends and family for support we WILL come out victorious with a healthy handsome baby Kaiser. A family friend sent a bunch of scriptures for encouragement and this one stuck with me and will be with me for the next few weeks.
Hebrews 10:35-36 (AMP) ³⁵ Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward.
³⁶ For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised.

As always I am an open book, if you have any questions please feel free to call... I wont be busy ;) Also for anyone willing to pray for our family in this time of need, here are some of the specifics that we as a family are praying for:
JASON to be filled with peace, patience and communication through these trying times as he is asked to play Dad and Mom. Also some time to himself, I know how important that is for my sanity and he has always made sure I got it as often as possible, I pray the same for him.
PAISLEY to remember everything she has been taught when spending time at others homes, that she be on her best behavior for those so kind to watch her for us. I ask for her safety as this will be a first experience of consistent babysitting. Lastly that she be blessed and make some great memories and never look back at this time and feel neglected. That she experience nothing but LOVE and excitement as she adjusts to these sudden but needed changes.
KAISER that he would continue to grow quickly so when he does arrive that he is "complete" and perfectly healthy. That he is kept safe in my womb where the Lord has so miraculously designed for him to be. That however the delivery may be (vaginal or c-section) that it be an enjoyable safe experience for us both.
PRAY FOR THOSE HELPING US OUT that the Lord would bless them 10 fold. That the Lord would find a way for us to bless them in return at a later time and they would truly know what a blessing they are to our humble family. Special thanks to those so willing/insisting to watch Paisley for us on a weekly basis (Amber & Joel, Steve and Donna, Vanessa and family) also a thank you to Oakley and Jason's bosses for being behind him/us 100% and taking a big relief off his shoulders. And all of the gracious people bringing us dinners, it is a huge help to our family. Also for all of those would help if they could, we appreciate your generosity as well, GOD bless them ALL!
For myself I just ask that the Lord continues to bring me comfort and peace. That I can keep my sanity and positive perspective to help keep my family encouraged and going strong.
I read this this afternoon and I will close with this...
He never truly becomes all we need until we realize He is all we have. (an old saying quoted in one of favorite books "Surprise Endings" By Ron Mehl)
That is all for now!

explanation of placenta previa

Definition/explanation of placenta previa-

During pregnancy, the placenta moves as the uterus stretches and grows. In early pregnancy, a low-lying placenta is very common. But as the pregnancy progresses, the growing uterus should "pull" the placenta toward the top of the womb. By the third trimester, the placenta should be near the top of the uterus, leaving the opening of the cervix clear for the delivery.

Sometimes, though, the placenta remains in the lower portion of the uterus, partly or completely covering this opening. This is called a previa.

Your doctor will order pelvic rest, which means no intercourse, no tampons, and no douching. Nothing should be placed in the vagina.

Your health care providers will carefully weigh your risk of ongoing bleeding against the risk of an early delivery for your baby.

Women with placenta previa most likely need to deliver the baby by cesarean section. This helps prevent death to the mother and baby. An emergency cesarean may be done if the placenta actually covers the cervix and the bleeding is heavy or life threatening.

Risks to the mother include:

• Death
• Major bleeding (hemorrhage)
• Shock

There is also an increased risk for infection, blood clots, and necessary blood transfusions.

The Bait of Satan By John Bevere

The Bait of Satan -Your response determines your future- By John Bevere
I just started this book a friend s is letting me borrow it...
This book it hitting home with me and very encouraging. Thank you Vanessa, just when I needed it too!
(on the back it reads)
-are you compelled to tell your side of the story?
-Do you fight thoughts of suspicion or distrust?
-Are you constantly rehearsing past hurts?
-Have you lost hope because of what someone else did to you?

Each of those hit me in different ways at different moments... If any of them strike you I suggest reading it as well!

BECOMING TRACI 2009

Becoming Traci 2009
Serve your heavenly Father. Check. Love your husband. Check. Love your daughter. Check. Manage your home. Check. Care for your soul. Huh??? Caring for my soul and becoming Traci is my goal for 2009. This blog is to hold me accountable, track my progress and encourage me throughout the year ahead. This is going to be MY year...

As you read above this blog is to hold me accountable, keep be going and not loose sight of who I am capable of being. God made me. God made me to do wonderful things. Being a Mommy is a wonderful calling, but there is so much more to me. I have so much more in me that I am going to be, 2009 is going to be a starting point for me. Comments are encouraged and opinions are wanted. Welcome 2009 and the beginning of a new life for me... TRACI!

1 Corintians 10:13

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Galations 6 8-9

Galations 6 8-9
The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the spirit, from the spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will a harvest if we do not give up.

2yr old VS. 24yr old

Life is just hilarious isn't it... I have to just sit back and laugh at the fact that I consider myself to be fairly mature, at least most of the time. The last few weeks my prayers have been focused on mine and Paisley's relationship. She is entering in to a very interesting stage. She is learning to really talk and express herself. She is more independent then I would have ever expected (this early anyway) she is so smart and aware, picking up on everything... good bad and otherwise. I have found myself really struggling to stay "ahead of the game" and "on top of it all" mostly in the discipline category.
SO I have been praying often and hard about the dynamics between the two of us. Asking specifically for discernment, wisdom, patience and grace. The Lord put on my heart some things I was not exactly ready for. (go figure) It felt like he played a little movie just for me in my head... the jist of it was Paisley not getting her way and throwing a fit, then immediately I reacted to her fit by basically throwing one myself. It hit me really hard. It hurts to realize that you are making a situation worse and not better. It is even more emotional and personal when that person is a precious human being that I brought into this world. A little girl that I am responsible for and love more than life itself. To see and realize that (to a point) she was just mimicking what she saw me doing. How could I blame her? So I brought it up to Jason and we had a long talk regarding the discipline topic. It was not our first, that is for sure, BUT it did have a whole new spin. I felt the Lords presence on either side of the conversation and I felt more encouraged than condemned or discouraged. Jason was also able to add some very helpful (painful but helpful non the less) observations he had had himself and wasn't sure how or when to bring it up...
So in conclusion, I have learned a very important lesson. A very humbling lesson and one I need to be able to look back on OFTEN.
1. I need to relax. Short and simple. Now if only it were easier said then done! But with prayer and practice it is working.
2. DO NOT REACT. I am finding that to help keep me from REacting to Paisley's actions, I count to 5 in my head before saying a word to her. It helps me keep in perspective what is actually going on. 10 out of 10 times the fit she is throwing or the action she is doing that is making me upset is really NOT a big deal. Yes I need to address and give out consequences accordingly, BUT by acting, and not REacting, I am staying "in control" and I am not letting her rule the moment.
3. Act. Very similar to the last one. But when I ACT I find that I am staying calm, not raising my voice a lot more gets accomplished. For example she is throwing a fit while she has friends over. Before I would have just said "Paisley that is not OK, stop." Well that was me REacting. Now I am working on Acting. So I would say "Paisley please come here..." giving us both time to cool off a bit. Then I explain to her, " We do not act like that. If you want to keep it up you can get in trouble." and when she is really throwing a fit and working herself up, I ask her to tell me what wrong or upsetting her. I then explain that whining is not OK that she needs to talk about it instead. (Because she needs to be able to have emotions and express herself but there are better ways to do that, other then whining and or throwing a fit.)
4. Don't take it personal. Yeah I know it makes me look really immature, but (as Jason pointed out to me) I was taking it personal when she would back talk us or not listen the first time when we asked her to do something. I felt she "knew better" but as I am learning, she is still 2 and not 24... so yes she may have been told before, but she is still naturally going to test the boundaries, and that is not personal. So since I don't take everything to personal when my 2 year throws a fit, I am able to laugh at the situation, and better direct the moment.
5. Stay consistent. This one is not knew, but it never hurts to be reminded. Being consistent in my case is remembering CONSTANTLY #'s 1, 2, 3, 4 & 6.
6. Pray, pray, pray. It is another simple one, but oh so powerful. I may have learned a few lessons from my 2 year old, but the main thing is I can not do this on my own. So stay in prayer about it ALL and then I will be more equipped and prepared as the moments happen.

aaahhhhh deep breath. So now it doesn't have to be the 2yr old VS. the 24yr old. I have better tools to help me be the parent. I can rise to the occasion and not fall down to her level. (which is good for a 2yr old, but not for a 24yr old)

whats new... (before 2010)

Well had some dreams and goals to accomplish this year. I wish I could honestly say that they were all accomplished (since it is now Dec of 2009) BUT I did not. Surprisingly I am OK with it all though. The deeper goals that I had like praying, reading and worshiping on my own more often have been accomplished. I feel they are all part of the normal routine now and not just when it works for me. But also not routine in the fact that they are being done just to be done. A few of the more shallow goals were accomplished but not all. I didn't get to go snowboarding, or skydiving this year. But I am fine with the fact that I am expecting a little boy and both would put him at risk. So they can wait until next year! The bed rest is not helping either but again, I have plenty of more years to reach all of my goals while coming up with others. Some goals I was not expecting to accomplish this year have also been met... Paisley has been potty trained now since the middle of summer. We are having a baby boy around February of 2010. We were hoping to get pregnant this year, but we could have never imagined the joy of knowing we are having a boy to complete our family. Jason and I gave up drinking and having alcohol in the house. Well I guess I should get my list started for 2010... it will be interesting to see what I could possibly dream up after this amazingly successful, exciting and unforgetable year! Praise Jesus.

A big bag of change

Well recently I was put on bed rest and medication... just like we went through with Paisley's pregnancy. Little Kaiser was trying to come early, REALLY early. My body is responding well to the medication and the bed rest and the contractions are much less frequent and most of the time less painful and intense. My belly is growing much quicker then with Paisley and man he is low. Paisley went head down the last 6-8 weeks of her pregnancy (he is not head down yet, thankfully) but my entire uterus is much lower. I can not wear anything but a pair of shorts (and it is super cold outside) and one pair of leggings. I am even down to one shirt that fits, where he hits when I am wearing clothes is not very convenient :) So on the plus side it is working out that I pretty much live in my PJ's. I am now in my third trimester, and man is that exciting. I feel like I can see the silver lining now and that this whole struggle is doable. It doesn't just effect me though. It also effects Jason and Paisley. Now Jason not only works during the day but then has to help with chores around the house that he RARELY ever has to lend a hand at. I am eternally grateful that he does it with such a great heart, it makes it much easier to ask for help. Paisley is also effected, if I can't leave the house all day (or at least I am not REALLY supposed too...) (sometimes we just have to for our sanity!) but if I am home all day most days, then so is she. We have been doing lots of art projects for the Christmas season just sitting on the floor making stuff. She is a trooper though, and as a friend said to me recently, "Paisley would rather have a healthy brother then go to Disneyland." (I was complaining to her that our passes end and we wont get to take Paisley again as a family during the holidays)
After typing this all out I actually feel a lot more at peace. I know a lot of wonderful people are praying for us, and we can feel God working. It is nice to look back and see how much time has already passed, and that we really don't have far to go know. It is still emotional and challenging most of the time, but we can do this! I also keep reminding myself (as do others) that this is only for a season. I can look back at bed rest with Paisley and the time felt like FOREVER. Now looking back it is a drop in the hat! Thank you all for the support, prayers, visits, offers and gifts... we really feel blessed.