SOME of the baptism photos

These are a few that Jason was able to take on Sunday. The church was kind enough to take photos and a video too so I will have those eventually too. But for now here what Jason was able to snap!

Today I became

Today I became Traci. Today I gave my life over to the Lord, in full surrender. Today I became one with Christ. It was a great experience, a bit overwhelming though. The support from family and friends both near and far was a true blessing. It was a bit much having so many people around though... I am looking forward to having time to really digest it all. Each day it will get more and more personal as I draw closer to my Heavenly father!
Now that a few hours have passed and I have had SOME time to reflect on how I feel, I feel a sense of freedom and peace. A peace that is indescribable. I feel complete. My heart is not missing or lacking any longer. I can see God everywhere, in the trees and flowers His presence is everywhere, and now I have eyes to see it all. I feel like each night will be like the night before Christmas, I am filled with anticipation of being used by the Lord to bless others. I am anticipating helping others and loving on them like I could have never done on my own. I feel organized and focused for the first time in my life. The love that my heart feels brings me to tears, because I am worthy. I can not say that I have felt that before. My confidence and courage are not in my own abilities any more, they are in the Lord. So my tank of confidence and courage are over flowing. I can focus out ward on my family, friends and complete strangers because He is taking care of me, so that I can better take care of those around me in His name. The freedom I feel comes from knowing that nothing will have to be done in my strength but now I am accompanied by the Holy Spirit and all of heaven, so I will be unstoppable. Even though it has been hours since my baptism, I have felt life slow down. I do not feel anxiety or rushed. As long as I can remember, I was always a doer always having to be busy. But I am comfortable now to just slow down. Be more meticulous and sincere.
This is just a little bit of what I am feeling most of the feelings are just indescribable. But the main thing is that I have stepped into being TRACI. This whole blog was started a few years ago, I felt a void and I was trying to fill it. BUT that was just the problem I was trying to fill it instead of asking and letting the Lord fill me. He is the only one who can truely fill my heart with joy and love. I will not change the name of the blog, but instead I will change the direction of it. I AM TRACI, the Traci that I was looking for for so many years now. My new direction and goal is to touch as many lives here on earth before I am taken to live eternally with my Heavenly Father. Two separate times in two years he has spared my life here on earth, so I am going to make the most of however much time I have left here. God is in control of my life now and and I am thankful for that. I am at peace and filled with the Holy Spirit! It doesn't get any better than that.
Love TRACI

Water Baptism

Water baptism, we have all heard the phrase before, maybe even been baptized as a child. But I am being challenged to take it to another level. The level where God intended it to be. Today I am journaling about water baptism. It is something the Lord has been stirring up inside of me for about 8 months now. Well the opportunity has come to act on it. With what I have been through in the last 8 months I know for a fact that my time is now. Sunday June 13, 2010 I am getting baptized. This journaling is a reminder for myself and a way to put into words what I am feeling and experiencing the week leading up to my baptism. I want to share what it means to me. Before I do something so special I want to fully understand what I am in for and what is expected of me. This week I will go deeper with the intent of fully understanding what baptism is and what Gods true intentions are when he asks us to give ourselves completely to Him. So I am starting with what baptism really means to me personally.
BAPTISM: ceremony of union, the beginning.
BAPTIZO: completely changed by what it is immersed in, a permanent change.
BAPTO: dip into something
(from a sermon by Justin Rupple)
For me it is time. I am going to completely let go. I am going to let go of my self centered life. Completely break from a life of sin. I am going to place Christ as the head of my life. I am going to celebrate becoming one with Christ. I am celebrating my passionate love for my heavenly father and stepping in to a union with Him. Just like a marriage where two become one. In return, I am expecting God to change my mindset, completely consume me. I am trusting that He will use me to be His hands and feet, shining a light for others to follow to Christ. I am expecting to be transformed like the caterpillar that turns into a butterfly and will never be the same.

unforunate turn of events

I never was any good at the short version...
(For those reading be aware I am talking about my pregnancy and some things may be considered gross to some.)
I woke up this morning with intense contractions having flash backs to Paisley's severely painful delivery. After an hour of watching the clock and them staying at 3-4 min apart I called the Dr and they of course said to go straight to the labor and delivery (this would be my 4th visit between Kaiser and Paisley's pregnancies NOT counting the actual delivery) so I knew the drill. I woke Jason up to let him know I was going in to be monitored. So he stayed home with Paisley and off I went to the hospital. The dark cold empty roads were foreign to me as I have not been out side after dark but twice in the last 5 months. Between contractions and tears I managed to get to the hospital, park and find my way inside safely. When I arrived they were waiting for me and wheeled me up to LD (labor and delivery) once upstairs everything happened right on cue. "Pee in a cup and leave us a sample, get undressed, the opening goes in the back," and so on. After the kind nurse helped me get my socks on she walked me to my new resting area for the next part of the early morning. They monitored my contractions and gave me a shot of Terbutaline. That kicked in 30 quick seconds later... and then came the interesting part! The lovely nurse explained that she needed to check to see if I was dilated. She said that I HAD thinned out since my appointment only a few days ago on the 23rd. After checking me she went typing away into the computer. Suddenly she turned to me and literally freaked out asking me if I had placenta previa, I said yes my Dr has told me that I have it. (I was never allowed to take sex education growing up... so I know ZILCH when it comes to this pregnancy stuff and the inside workings of my own body. I just happened to research placenta previa online a few days prior, so I had some clue how dangerous it was but still not to the fullest--see previous blog post for explanation of placenta previa) she explained that NOTHING should be "up there" because if the placenta was to rupture then we are in serious trouble. I apologized for not telling her how to do her job (very politely) and explained I assumed she new and I was trusting she checked my charts before she checked me... after a few moments of nervousness of whether or not she caused any damage we moved on to the next dilemma. Next they/we thought that my water had broke as I was sitting in a mini puddle of... something. They tested it and were inconclusive as to whether it was amniotic fluid or not, so they brought in the ultrasound to see how much fluid Kai still had surrounding him. There was enough fluids still that they were not concerned and said to just let them know if there was any more. Well here is a gross part... I am in the process of losing my mucus plug, and on top of that the placenta previa causes a strange sort of bleeding here and there, so now every time I have to pee it is a new "scare" to see what is or is not coming out. (End of gross part, sorry) Well by now 3 hours of monitoring had past and the shot of Terbutaline had worked for the first 2 hours then they began to return, but only back to my "normal contractions" so they talked with the on call Dr and returned with the news. Officially I am on the highest level of at home bedrest. I have been given strict orders and they read: Your activity will be complete bed rest and in most cases requires hospitalization to achieve. With this restriction you should spend your time in bed and laying flat. This may involve using a bed pan and having sponge baths. In some cases a bedside commode will be allowed. (as if that is a privilege?)
The nurse was kind enough to give me permission to get up ONLY to use the restroom and nothing else. So no bedside commode or bedpan will be needed... THANK GOD. After giving me this news the nurse explained the importance of adhering to these rules. She informed me that the next step will be hospitalization. She also informed/threatened me that they are very strict at not allowing any children into the rooms due to flu scare and how at risk pregnant women are. So if I were to end up in the hospital (she mentioned she wasn't even sure why they were not admitting me in the first place) that I would NOT see my daughter for the next 7 plus weeks! (Of course she finally had my attention) She also explained that I am a huge risk between the early labor and the placenta previa. The placenta previa is the largest reason as to why the bedrest is so strict and mandatory as it puts both Kaiser and me at risk of bleeding out and dying. Just standing causes gravity to take effect and because he is head down and where my placenta is still resting, that gravity itself (nevermind the contractions on top of it) can cause the membrane to rupture and put us both at a huge risk.
So needless to say I have been laying down all day and will be until Feb the 14th when I can stop my meds and Kaiser will be far along enough to come out safely. (as far as my Dr is concerned) Jason has it worked out to get a computer to take home so he can work from home 3 days a week and the other two days friends have stepped in to help watch Paisley for the day so Jason can go in to work. Friends have already started bringing us dinners and blessing us just by offering to help out in any way they can. We know that the Lord has a plan for everything and though we may not know WHAT that is, it's not the point. The point is that He never gives us more than we can handle and since He is along side of us and building our relationship together as a family learning to REALLY TRULY lean on one another and other friends and family for support we WILL come out victorious with a healthy handsome baby Kaiser. A family friend sent a bunch of scriptures for encouragement and this one stuck with me and will be with me for the next few weeks.
Hebrews 10:35-36 (AMP) ³⁵ Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward.
³⁶ For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised.

As always I am an open book, if you have any questions please feel free to call... I wont be busy ;) Also for anyone willing to pray for our family in this time of need, here are some of the specifics that we as a family are praying for:
JASON to be filled with peace, patience and communication through these trying times as he is asked to play Dad and Mom. Also some time to himself, I know how important that is for my sanity and he has always made sure I got it as often as possible, I pray the same for him.
PAISLEY to remember everything she has been taught when spending time at others homes, that she be on her best behavior for those so kind to watch her for us. I ask for her safety as this will be a first experience of consistent babysitting. Lastly that she be blessed and make some great memories and never look back at this time and feel neglected. That she experience nothing but LOVE and excitement as she adjusts to these sudden but needed changes.
KAISER that he would continue to grow quickly so when he does arrive that he is "complete" and perfectly healthy. That he is kept safe in my womb where the Lord has so miraculously designed for him to be. That however the delivery may be (vaginal or c-section) that it be an enjoyable safe experience for us both.
PRAY FOR THOSE HELPING US OUT that the Lord would bless them 10 fold. That the Lord would find a way for us to bless them in return at a later time and they would truly know what a blessing they are to our humble family. Special thanks to those so willing/insisting to watch Paisley for us on a weekly basis (Amber & Joel, Steve and Donna, Vanessa and family) also a thank you to Oakley and Jason's bosses for being behind him/us 100% and taking a big relief off his shoulders. And all of the gracious people bringing us dinners, it is a huge help to our family. Also for all of those would help if they could, we appreciate your generosity as well, GOD bless them ALL!
For myself I just ask that the Lord continues to bring me comfort and peace. That I can keep my sanity and positive perspective to help keep my family encouraged and going strong.
I read this this afternoon and I will close with this...
He never truly becomes all we need until we realize He is all we have. (an old saying quoted in one of favorite books "Surprise Endings" By Ron Mehl)
That is all for now!

explanation of placenta previa

Definition/explanation of placenta previa-

During pregnancy, the placenta moves as the uterus stretches and grows. In early pregnancy, a low-lying placenta is very common. But as the pregnancy progresses, the growing uterus should "pull" the placenta toward the top of the womb. By the third trimester, the placenta should be near the top of the uterus, leaving the opening of the cervix clear for the delivery.

Sometimes, though, the placenta remains in the lower portion of the uterus, partly or completely covering this opening. This is called a previa.

Your doctor will order pelvic rest, which means no intercourse, no tampons, and no douching. Nothing should be placed in the vagina.

Your health care providers will carefully weigh your risk of ongoing bleeding against the risk of an early delivery for your baby.

Women with placenta previa most likely need to deliver the baby by cesarean section. This helps prevent death to the mother and baby. An emergency cesarean may be done if the placenta actually covers the cervix and the bleeding is heavy or life threatening.

Risks to the mother include:

• Death
• Major bleeding (hemorrhage)
• Shock

There is also an increased risk for infection, blood clots, and necessary blood transfusions.

whats new... (before 2010)

Well had some dreams and goals to accomplish this year. I wish I could honestly say that they were all accomplished (since it is now Dec of 2009) BUT I did not. Surprisingly I am OK with it all though. The deeper goals that I had like praying, reading and worshiping on my own more often have been accomplished. I feel they are all part of the normal routine now and not just when it works for me. But also not routine in the fact that they are being done just to be done. A few of the more shallow goals were accomplished but not all. I didn't get to go snowboarding, or skydiving this year. But I am fine with the fact that I am expecting a little boy and both would put him at risk. So they can wait until next year! The bed rest is not helping either but again, I have plenty of more years to reach all of my goals while coming up with others. Some goals I was not expecting to accomplish this year have also been met... Paisley has been potty trained now since the middle of summer. We are having a baby boy around February of 2010. We were hoping to get pregnant this year, but we could have never imagined the joy of knowing we are having a boy to complete our family. Jason and I gave up drinking and having alcohol in the house. Well I guess I should get my list started for 2010... it will be interesting to see what I could possibly dream up after this amazingly successful, exciting and unforgetable year! Praise Jesus.

A big bag of change

Well recently I was put on bed rest and medication... just like we went through with Paisley's pregnancy. Little Kaiser was trying to come early, REALLY early. My body is responding well to the medication and the bed rest and the contractions are much less frequent and most of the time less painful and intense. My belly is growing much quicker then with Paisley and man he is low. Paisley went head down the last 6-8 weeks of her pregnancy (he is not head down yet, thankfully) but my entire uterus is much lower. I can not wear anything but a pair of shorts (and it is super cold outside) and one pair of leggings. I am even down to one shirt that fits, where he hits when I am wearing clothes is not very convenient :) So on the plus side it is working out that I pretty much live in my PJ's. I am now in my third trimester, and man is that exciting. I feel like I can see the silver lining now and that this whole struggle is doable. It doesn't just effect me though. It also effects Jason and Paisley. Now Jason not only works during the day but then has to help with chores around the house that he RARELY ever has to lend a hand at. I am eternally grateful that he does it with such a great heart, it makes it much easier to ask for help. Paisley is also effected, if I can't leave the house all day (or at least I am not REALLY supposed too...) (sometimes we just have to for our sanity!) but if I am home all day most days, then so is she. We have been doing lots of art projects for the Christmas season just sitting on the floor making stuff. She is a trooper though, and as a friend said to me recently, "Paisley would rather have a healthy brother then go to Disneyland." (I was complaining to her that our passes end and we wont get to take Paisley again as a family during the holidays)
After typing this all out I actually feel a lot more at peace. I know a lot of wonderful people are praying for us, and we can feel God working. It is nice to look back and see how much time has already passed, and that we really don't have far to go know. It is still emotional and challenging most of the time, but we can do this! I also keep reminding myself (as do others) that this is only for a season. I can look back at bed rest with Paisley and the time felt like FOREVER. Now looking back it is a drop in the hat! Thank you all for the support, prayers, visits, offers and gifts... we really feel blessed.

Well it is Sept

and praise God almost OCTOBER! We have had a long year with record visits from family and friends. It was great but I think it is safe to say we over did it. We talked and have decided to stay home for Christmas and enjoy our last Christmas as just the three of us. Paisley will be such a great age to better grasp all the traditions we have and take a bigger part in them with us and not just watch. I have received news that my Dad is getting married however, and possibly by the end of the year, so if that is so we will of course make it up to Oregon to be a part of that to welcome Kim and her beautiful daughters to the family!
It has been the hottest summer EVER (for us) and we are barely surviving with out AC... cooking or should I say not cooking has been the hardest part. I enjoy cooking and since it is so HOT I can not use the oven or stove, and well it has been months... needless to say I have never been SO ANXIOUS for fall. October 1st Jason and I will be celebrating 4 years of marriage. We are humbly proud. We know we could not have made it this far with out Jesus Christ in the middle of it. Of course the years where He was more accurately on the sidelines and not exactly in the middle where very rough and we had some close calls to giving up, BUT thankfully the Lord had other plans for us. Now days we work hard to keep the Lord in the middle of our everything, and as often as possible pray that He goes ahead of us in our day to day routines, it is amazing (amazing but no surprise) that those days always go much smoother then the days I do not make time to call on Him.
I called this year (2009) out to be MY year. It has been just that. The Lord has worked in me like never before. I feel so full of love and better understanding of my Heavenly Father. As we learned Sunday at church that the better we understand God, the better we KNOW Him. Some days I don't make time and find myself feeling "further away" than I am comfortable with, and others I stop myself and slow down... I love those days. We also learned that God has called out upon each of us an authority. That hit me pretty hard. I know I am a courageous person and that I have never had a problem standing up for things that I believe in, but this was a different twist. It encouraged me to get even closer with the Lord so that by understanding Him more I will KNOW His will for me, and once I know His will for me as a daughter of Christ, a wife and a mother (among other things) I can go forth more boldly than ever before. Pastor Ryan read through Mark chapter 4 and brought up something I had never considered when reading that story. Ryan explained that when Jesus asked His disciples to go across to the other side He meant it, that was their calling out. When the wind and rains came and began flooding their boat, they cried out to God and asked him why he was letting them perish. God calmed the wind and the rain, but then looked to his men disappointed that THEY had not called the winds and rain knowing in faith that God was the one that asked them to go to the other side in the first place. I had always just seen the miracle in the story that God saved them and controlled the weather... but there was so much more there in that story, and for me it hit home. So before I can call out in faith authority over my home, family neighbors and whatever else, I need to get down to the basics and understand God better. One other thing I wrote down in my notes that sums this up for me is the definition of Authority. Authority-is the freedom to act, the power to act. Well I am going to work on understanding and doing just that. Walking Tall in the Kingdom.
I ordered some new books to help me along the way that I think will be very encouraging, once I start reading them I will let you know if I would suggest them or not.
In short (haha) life is going good. Baby is healthy and the pregnancy is going by faster at least for a little while now... Paisley is growing like a weed inside and out. She is definitely living up to the meaning of her name even at the age of 2. She is full of life and spreads life wherever she goes, praise God! She got a bike and started her first dance class to give her a creative outlet , independence and learn to be with other kids and listen to a teacher, we were so proud of her. She is of course our child though and we work daily on her stubbornness and strong will, both can be good in ways and not in other ways, so we are trying to stay on top of those characteristics as well. She loves "reading" and singing to my belly and kissing it often. Jason puts her to bed each night and I guess last night she said her own prayer " Jesus thank you for, five... Jesus love Momma, Daddy, baby... Jesus amen" haha gotta love it!
Well again we are just waiting for fall and all the wonderful Holiday traditions that come with it. This is going to be a perfect ending to a wonderful year. I can't imagine what the Lord will be bringing us next year, besides a new bundle of joy to complete our family! Oh my...
Thank you for taking the time to read my rambling, but now you are caught up.
Love Traci

Letting go, with help

Well I am not exactly sure how to word this. BUT it needs to be known. Lately the Lord has been very alive in our home. Jason has been on fire to read and know the word (the Bible) and has even inspired me along the way. We even take turns reading to each other each night before bed, and the Lord is bringing all sorts of new topics for us to talk about like never before. We started marriage counseling a few weeks ago. Everything was "fine" in our marriage, nothing to worry about, but we knew it could be more than just fine and we were ready to make the changes, for us and for Paisley. We belong to a church that has literally saved our lives. For me, after growing up in the presence and teaching of Ron Mehl (Ron Mehl the great, in my mind) I was spoiled. When he passed I thought there was no way I could ever find the leadership and Godliness that Ron empowered. For years I was right. But recently the Lord has brought us to a new church called The Bridge. It has really changed our lives and our family dynamic. We gladly and excitedly attend every Sunday, now bringing our visitors instead of using them as an excuse not to get up for church. Since moving to a new church the Lord has put me in a womens group that meets every other week. This group is very real and no more gossiping or pure venting, instead real things are happening in all of our marriages and families.

So now that you are some what up to date on our lives in Southern California... here comes the deep stuff. This may be news to some people. BUT Jason and I both have a drinking problem. We each have a different problem and have been "struggling" but ignoring the fact for many years. I personally have been drinking heavily and consistently since I was 13. I had my time with some drugs along the way back in high school and just out of high school days, with pot and cocaine. I was addicted to both at one point. Even as far as to selling cocaine... I know this may hurt a some of you who "raised" me but it is true and I am not one to hide my past, but instead learn from it. Sorry if this is embarrassing or upsetting but it is real. I was blessed to never get killed or kill anyone else during those times with the dumb and careless decisions I was making while on the drugs. (mostly just driving myself an others while intoxicated and even being pulled over multiple times but not getting caught) The Lord spared me more than I will ever know. I am not looking forward for that day in Heaven when He shows me all He spared me from and all that I deserved but He saved me from. It will be an emotional day... but I can only blame myself. Back to the alcohol. Alcohol is addicting just like the drugs were. The "problem" is that alcohol is socially exceptable. It is easier to hide (so we thought) as an obvious addiction. Over the past 6 months I can personally look back and see all the times the Lord was putting on my heart that I had a problem. Alcohol is not bad, in fact there is nothing wrong with alcohol, just like guns, it is the one holding the alcohol that has the power to make it a good thing or a bad thing. In my case I was abusing alcohol. I tried controlling the amount and how often Jason and I were drinking it. For example, we were each drinking at the LEAST 2 shots (of hard liquor) and 3 beers 5 nights a week and on the weekends, even more than that. (again for some of you this may be a surprise and others you already knew) I am small and young but have a huge tolerance for alcohol, for what ever reason... so I am not exaggerating and obviously this was a problem. We however never felt it was a problem. We each took turns justifying that "we are't getting drunk" or "look at Pais we are obviously good parents" and many more similar excuses to continue consuming massive amounts of alcohol. The Lord had had enough. He put it on my heart that we had to let alcohol become a problem in our household. I unfortunately and selfishly ignored His pleas... I briefly brought it up to Jason and it was met with much resistance. I used my husbands resistance as an excuse not to let go of alcohol and to attempt to control the amount we were intaking. Of course I already had a problem and was quite deep in it. So taking it on by myself was a joke and a waste of time. We ended up drinking even more! The Lord patiently and softly did not give up on me. One night I could not sleep and it was weighing on my heart very strongly. I brought it up to Jason very sheepishly, that I felt that the Lord wants me to give up alcohol all together. Completely stop. Jason thought I was crazy (I do not blame him, this was a HUGE change in our home and lifestyle, for him it was sudden and out of the blue) I went out into the living room and just cried, knowing what I needed to do, but honestly not thrilled at the idea of completely quiting. The Lord touched my heart and filled the voids that night. But no surprise, I got scared and uncomfortable and stopped for a few days, then decided to enjoy a beer feeling that I deserved one. (after all I gave it up for a new nights!) (HA!) So the following night was Monday night and I was meeting up with the ladies from my womens group. I rehearsed to myself over and over the whole car trip there, "Do not tell them about the alcohol, they won't understand, they will hold you accountable and you wont be able to keep working it out on your own, you will have them helping you" (that was the last thing that I wanted) Well the group talked about different points we were reading in our book. The next chapter that we talked about was titled "I sin a lot" the first question we talked about was "what sin has a strong hold in your life right now" Internally I was shouting out, but the rest of my insides were drowning at the thought of just letting it out in the open. I secretly (so I thought) looked around the room as a battle was going on inside of my head, when Jan a woman in our group was staring right at me... who knows for how long. She said, "Oh, Traci do you have something to say?" OH Sh** was honestly the next thing that went through my head... then all of the sudden I was spewing out everything I was going through and how I keep ignoring the Lords plea and was scared and EVERYTHING! In my head I was saying "oh great here we go! Your life is over, and you SAID you wouldn't tell them!" Then all I could do was cry. I was finally NOT in control. The Lord quit whispering and stepped in, (THANK GOD) not only did 4 other women know about my problem, but they were all ready to hold me accountable and encourage me. Then on top of that, they were huddled around me with their hands on me praying words of the Lord, full of encouragement, love, passion, God's will, and insight... my life was changed after the first prayer and there were still 3 more women to pray! We followed that by a talk that including Jason and him also stopping, a few of them knowing his personal battle with alcohol too. I said that he will not be a fan if he even agrees in the first place. I went home and prayed for him, and every night since, while continuing to NOT drink any alcohol. A few nights later I brought it up to Jason that I felt the Lord wanted him to stop as well, for himself, for me and for our family. He responded with much defense (again I do not blame him, the Lord speaks to each of us differently and in His timing) I had to trust that the Lord would have His way in Jason's heart on his own timing, not MY timing. I stepped back telling Jason and the Lord that this was not my battle to fight, that this was the Lord's. We went to bed not speaking. The following evening Jason came home and said "we need to talk" I was so scared he was going to say anything beside what actually came out of his mouth... He explained that all morning the Lord was weighing on his heart and that he was very emotional (Jason was allowing the Lord to show him what he wanted for Jason) Jason explained that he was ready and willing to give up alcohol completely too. The Lord had put on his heart reasons that made sense to him why it would benefit him to let go of alcohol as well.
So with the Lords help we are going forward with out alcohol in our life. As I said before it was a habit and a lifestyle for us. So each day is going to be a new adventure, but as it says in Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

I just wanted this out in the open. Please keep us accountable, and encourage us, we need it. We have made a hard decision to strengthen ourselves, our relationship (both our marriage and our marriage with our Heavenly Father) also and very importantly to be MUCH better parents and examples for the beautiful daughter that God has blessed us with.

Please feel free to email us with any questions or anything you may be feeling, we are out in the open about this, it is no secret. (any longer) Also, if you have any Bible verses that could help us in this change of lifestyle, we would greatly appreciate it. Of course prayers of praise to the Lord above is in order and prayers for continued help is always needed as well.

Thank you for your love and support. We appreciate and love you all, God bless
Love Traci and Jason

praying for patience...

DUN DUN DUN... if you have ever prayed this prayer (for patience) you know what happens next is anything but pleasant. BUT that doesn't mean I am not gong to ask. Well the last two in a half weeks have been a major test and stretch of my patience. It is my own fault I have no one to blame but myself :)
I have recently started a new business, sounds simple maybe? Well it has not been. New website, business cards, invoices, product, time, energy, love... oh and did I mention I was doing all of this while still taking on my full time job of mom, wife, housekeeper, meal maker, and friend! I lost my mind last night, the pressure got to me and I cried my eyes out. But it got me to a new perspective and I learned a ton. So I am proud to say that today is a new day and I am a new mom, if Pais could talk she would agree :)
I have a new business site that is still in a skeleton form but you can take a peak at convincedbytraci.etsy.com also I have built a group site and monthly gatherings for other handmade artists as a way of connecting and succeeding together. (Our pastor is always talking about how God is a God of connections) I am finding my calling and feeling the Lord along side me the whole way. It has been very exciting, all of my personality traits and God given gifts are finding a common thread and working for me! Oh yeh, you can find that at handmadegatherings.blogspot.com
I am learning growing and becoming successful like never before, in my business ventures, mom experiences and life in general. Thank you all for the continued support, it is always appreciated :)
With love, Traci (the new and improved)

Acomplishment numero uno (BEFORE 2010)

Well sort of ;)
So I have completed 1 out of 10 books that I WILL read before 2010!!! I read The Shack and well it changed my life. In so many ways, I have written about it so I can go back and reflect on the lessons I learned and love I felt from God. I feel so much passion towards the Lord more than ever before, and better yet, I feel His passion for me beating through me. I feel that is several ways, I feel Him and His passion for me and for life and everything that encompasses literally going through me and using it or me as a tool to spark passion into and through others. So to get a picture of it you might see a wind made of lights passing through me and embracing others and then returning to me but starting a new burst of lights in those touched. (sorry if I sound crazy) Then I also have Him and His passion beaming inside of me like my own little battery pack of energy, peace, love and hope that He packaged up just for me like a very special gift that only He can give me. I am also seeing more around me than before, whether it is little miracles that the Lord orchestrated or the animals and trees and everything working together in perfect harmony... either way you slice it my life is already shaping up and I am getting that much closer to "being Traci" and I could not be happier!

more Shack lessons and...

I am continuing to read the Shack, I am almost finished. I really need to get new glasses though, I keep getting headaches and seeing very blurry pages after about a half an hour!!! UGH Otherwise I could have been done with this book by now. However, it has made me slow down and take everything I can from this book and all that it has to offer, so some good is comng out of being lazy and putting off an eye exam :)
last night in my readings I came across this quote for starters "God is a verb"- Buckminster Fuller
In chapter 14 page 195 the middle of the page Sarayu (God) is saying to Mack "For you to know or not," she exclaimed, "has nothing at all to do with whether I am actually here or not. I am always with you; sometimes I want you to be aware in a special way- more intentional." That really hit home with me. I know in my heart and everything that I have that God is always with me. I appreciate that He wants me to know at special times that He is VERY present. Growing up so many times He has revealed Himself to me that He and His presence are with me and that I am not alone. Whether entering into battles of all sorts or just being alone in the moment, He has shown Himself and reflecting back on that gives me a simple tingle of the spine and a a bit of a knock on the brain as to say, how many times has He been trying to tell you He is here with you and I may have not heard Him. So going forward I pray that I am more in tune and deep in my relationship with my Heavenly Father that when He calls me or shows Himself to me in all sorts of different circumstances that I will be listening and ready!

A couple pages further and God is helping Mack to understand that he is afraid of his emotions, and Mack asked God if He created all emotions or "...just the good ones?"
Paradigms power perception and perceptions power emotions. (Paradigms as per the dictionary: A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them, especially in an intellectual discipline.) Most emotions are responses to perception- what you think is true about a given situation. If your perception is false, then your emotional response to it will be false too. So check your perceptions, and beyond that check the truthfulness of your paradigms-what you believe. Just because you believe something firmly doesn't make it true. Be willing to reexamine what you believe. The more you live in truth, the more your emotions will help you to see clearly. But even then, you don't want to trust them more than ME. (God)
Next They continue the conversation and God says this to Mack... "Mack, religion is about having the right answers, and some of their answers are right. But I am about the process that takes you to the LIVING ANSWER and once you get to him, he will change you from the inside. There are a lot of smart people who are able to say a lot of right things from their brain because they have been told what the right answers are, but they don't know me at all. So really, how can their answers be right even if they are right, if you understand my drift? So even though they might be right they are still wrong."
Needless to say this book has reopened my eyes in many way, and in other ways... well opened them truly to My God and what He wants for my life.

Lessons from The Shack

Jan. 23rd, 2009
Last night we had dinner with some friends of ours and good conversation. When we left my mind was racing, I am not exactly sure why, non the less it was racing, racing so much that I could not sit down and watch TV to relax. So I went to bed and felt like reading. I grabbed the nearest book. I believe that the Lord was patiently waiting for me to pick up this book again. I feel that there is so much in this book He wants me to learn and take to heart. So I got comfy in bed, found the place where I left off from and began reading. That is when it happened. The Lord drew near and followed along with me while I read. As I was reading I was suddenly feeling this book in my heart. I am not sure if I can explain how it felt, but I will give it a try. It was similar to the feeling you get when you have a vivid dream and then wake up from it and feel confused as to whether is was actually a dream or might have possibly happened in real life... the Lord I serve can do all things. I believe He has no limits and cares for me very much enough to bring a book into my life to better help explain and bring to life just how much He cares for me. This book is doing just that. Last night I learned first hand while (I believe) reading a book alongside my Heavenly Father.
(Chapter 10 of The Shack by WM Paul Young) Jesus takes Mack out to the edge of the dock and asks him to walk with Him. Mack hesitates when we realizes that Jesus wants him to walk out on the water with Him.... they begin to have a conversation about the past present and future and Jesus explains this (reminder that this is not scripture so it is not factual in any way it is a story of fiction, BUT this sat well with me and I personally feel this is pretty close to how Jesus thinks) that most people live in the past or the future and not the present. He (Jesus explains to Mack) dwells in the present. Although many things can be learned from the past and looking back but only for a short while not a long stay. Jesus tells Mack that the the future is most often dictated by fear of some kind, rarely if ever picturing Jesus along side.
I personally tend to live in the future. I am a planner. I like to know what is just around the corner so that I can be ready for whatever is coming good bad or otherwise. I want to be prepared and ready to take on anything and everything. I often sit and daydream about the future and plans that have been made, I go through all scenarios of what could happen and what I will do if they go wrong. This extensive planning is great when going camping or on a trip, but the rest of time it is not. I think the Lord was telling me that I am need to live in the present. I need to quit trying to save myself and my family and instead live in the future enjoying my family. The Lord shared with me to quite trying to take the reigns, once I pray and hand them over quit reaching over and taking them right back! Once we truly know how much the Lord loves us then we can believe and fully trust Him with our lives. I am slowly but surely learning JUST how much the Lord loves me. How much passion and concern He has for my life. Because of this new knowledge, my heart is that much more tender to the Lord and His will for my life. Learning that my ultimate calling at this point in my life is to be the best Mom and wife that I can be for my family. They are my passion and my goal, knowing that I am not in this alone but have the help of my Heavenly Father makes me that much more passionate and excited to "get to work" everyday! I love my life, I love my family and most importantly I love My Heavenly Father because He first loved ME!!!

This is TRACI

As you read above this blog is to hold me accountable, keep be going and not loose sight of who I am capable of being. God made me. God made me to do wonderful things. Being a Mommy is a wonderful calling, but there is so much more to me. I have so much more in me that I am going to be, 2009 is going to be a starting point for me. Comments are encouraged and opinions are wanted. Welcome 2009 and the beginning of a new life for me... TRACI!