Lifes hard lessons

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Lifes hard lessons
Current mood: peaceful

Lifes hard lessons... everyone goes through them. Everyone deals with troubles, heartache, and stress throughout their lives. It is what we do before during and after those tests that make us who we are. I grew up drinking and doing drugs in an attempt to ignore many of those tests. I have tried staying too busy to notice some tests that I might not want to face. I have to admitt I have even tried placing blame on others at times to detour around a test.
Today I woke up feeling overwhelmed, defeated and confused thanks to my current test. This one is not disappearing so easily... today I decided I would face this test head on. My first reaction was to fight back and lower myself to this person (who is apparently my test) and tell him how I feel. I felt justified because of the way that he has been treating me, my family and our kindness. As I responded to his appaling email, I was expecting to feel the burden gone and feel better for finally telling him how I feel and putting him in his place! But before I could push send I had a rock in my heart (that is what happens when I am not listening to God and trying to take the wheel and do it my way) Thankfully I paid attention to that rock, stepped back and called on a friend who I trust and respect. By the end of my phone call to this third party I felt a clearer vision of my situation. It is always hard to look at yourself in the mirror and really address and or change things about yourself. But hard or not it was time I nipped this one and moved one.
Today I learned the difference between sticking up for myself and or my family while still doing what is right. It is hard to swallow your pride and be nice when the person you are showing the kindness to does nothing but throw drama and attempts for conflict in your face. Today I learned to not take people and their actions so personal. I realized the next time that someone hurts me I need to step back from the situation and evaluate whether it is directed at me or if that is just the type of person you are dealing with. On top of everything else something I have always struggled with was telling people how I really feel (and feel that I am being true to myself) while maintaining my character that I have worked so hard to be proud of. Today I did it, I took all of the advice and lessons I have learned and retained over the years and put them to good use. I responded but stayed true to myself, my character and still held him accountable. I did not think it was possible to do it all at the same time.
Tomorrow of course could be another test, but this time I will be ready to go through it with God by my side BEFORE I get overwhelmed and try it my way 20 times :)
I ended by praying for him, as hard as it was. I really ment it and I have never felt better. My mind is clear and focused. My heart is strong and happy. My smile is back and the weight off my shoulders is slowly but surely disappearing.
aaaaaggggghhhhhh (long sigh) moving on now and going forward with God in front!
I highly suggest confronting your tests and getting them over with. If not they will only come back bigger and badder. If and when you confront them with God by your side it is much more rewarding. PRAY TRUST & LEARN through lifes hard lessons and just see what God will do for you and through you ...
Current mood: peaceful