neglect

I have neglected my personal blog... for months now. This year has been filled with lessons learned and lessons learning. I can hardly keep track of them BUT I want to start again. The Lord is doing great works in my life, my husbands, my daughters, my sons and my brothers. The gratitude towards the Lord for His provisions and guidance upon each of us is inmeasurable. The Lord is answering prayers so fast I can hardly keep track of them. I was recently made aware that I am in a season of peace healing and growth. It is a season that makes me squirm, literally. I have a type A personally with a capital A. I am a doer by nature and ONLY feel good about myself when I am productive and have hard evidence of what I have been doing with my time. So naturally this season the Lord has put me in is one that makes me uncomfortable. After all we have been dragged through the last 5 years you would think I would be happy to just take a breather from all the hardships. But not me. I hesitated to even accept the fact that this is a new season and a season of putting into myself. Ugh it made me SO uncomfortable. I am praying more then ever before and praying like never before, I am praying for people and things I have never prayed for before. I am reading my Bible, I am studying my Bible. I am staying on track with my oh so perfect devotional. (Jesus Calling by, Sarah Young) along with a few other key books that are transforming and shaping my life. (Teaching Your Child How To Pray by, Rick Osborne, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, Sabbath by Wayne Muller and The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace) I am hungry for God and history and understanding the Bible for the first time in my life. I am openly communicating with the Lord throughout my day during the good the bad and the dull. I am keeping a record of things that I am thankful for and it is teaching me a new way of life. Not just to be "thankful" but to see God in everything. To see God in the good the bad and the everyday tasks like making meals and cleaning house. I am learning to accept just how much My God loves me and how much He has for me, if I just ask, and then if I just listen. God is constant, I am not. BUT I am learning to be. I am reaping the rewards daily of giving my life, my time my money and thoughts over to God at the start of each day. Then throughout the day asking for guidance and direction. He has the answer and I just need to be open to His way instead of planning it all MY way. I am seeing the benefits of my transformation blossoming through Paisley as well. Her heart for God and understanding is slowly growing and maturing before our eyes. Her most recent blessing took place one night while I was not at home. Jason was home with the kids and I guess as the sun was setting Jason found Paisley standing on our couch looking out the window into the sunset. The sky was bright pink and oranges with purple too. She was jumping up and down shouting (yes SHOUTING) "Thank you Jesus, oh Lord, Thank you so much. Oh Jesus I just love it, thank you...." on and on as Jason explained. I started crying when he told me. A few nights before her and I were watching the same sun set from the same couch. As the sky lit up with gorgeous colors from Gods pallet, I grabbed her and explained that the art in the sky was a very special gift, a gift JUST for Paisley. I asked her whose favorite colors were lighting up the sky? She replied proudly, "mine Momma mine!" and I told her "Yes Paisley, that is because God loves you so much and more, He decorated that sky tonight just for you!" She didn't seem all that enthused and hopped down and continued playing. I was sad at the moment thinking maybe she didn't understand or worse yet, she didn't care.(therefore I am not doing my job as a mommy very well...)Apparently she was listening. The Lord showed me in that moment that all He asks of me is to teach, to be an example and to LOVE my children, HE will do the rest... The Lord is also growing a love and a relationship between Jason and I that I could have only hoped for. We will be married 6 years this October and our first 5 years of marriage have been HARD. But the Lord is faithfully using all of the struggles and hardships to glue us together tighter then ever. I have never been so attracted and in love with him, all of him. Praise God for that!
Oh Lord,
To you I am thankful. To you I owe my all. To you I shout praises and glory to your name alone. I fall before you, you are my King. Lord Jesus I love you. I am thankful for your steadfast love. Your steadfast promises. I thank you for all you have blessed us with financially. I thank you that you answer prayers and you are faithful. Praise you Jesus.

Dec 2 2010

Accountability:
Traci
1. Get out of bed @ 6
2. Read Bible daily
3. Be a good steward of time and money
Eric
1. Read Bible daily
2. Excersize consistantly
3. Look at others through Gods eyes

Prayer for:
Traci
Be selfless and keep all of the glory for GOD
Eric
To stay hungry for God

Thanks For:
Traci
Kaiser's personality coming out
Eric
That God provides

When He calls my name

So much has been going on. So many lessons have been learned. And so many prayers have been answered, I can not keep up with them on the blog. This one needs to be documented. I need to hold myself accountable. So here it goes...(back story) over a year ago the Lord asked me to quit drinking. It was a big ordeal and Jason I both in the end brought to the Lord and were obedient. Months went by and we did not have a single drink. Then after Kaiser was born we began finding reasons "why it was OK to have ONE drink" then it was two. Never any more than that, but we were still taking it back into our own hands... and making legit reasons why it was OK.)
This morning I was woken up by the Lord. If you have never experienced this before it is quite scary. As a Mom I wake up often in the night responding to different sounds throughout the house. But this is different. One minute I am happily sleeping and the next minute I am staring conviction right in the face. Not guilt or condemnation... conviction and My King right there surrounding me in the dark of the early morning hours. I heard the Lords voice as clear as day, "Traci, I have been whispering to you about this one thing, but your stubbornness keeps getting in the way. Your lack of self discipline keeps playing a role in there too. I am done whispering. I am coming to you out of love, I have asked you to let go of alcohol. You were obedient, but then you took it back into your own hands. It is time you leave it at my feet and be obedient. The next time I ask wont be so nice. So what will it be?"
I replied, "Lord when you put it that way, of course I choose you. I will let it go and not let it be a barrier between us any longer. Thank you for loving me and coming to me like this. Lord I lay this at the cross and I will not go back. I ask for deliverance and forgiveness of this sin. I pray for self control. I ask that you would remove the very temptation. I used to be addicted to drugs and another lifestyle and you delivered me from those free and clear. I ask you to do the same with the alcohol now too. Thank you for your faithfulness even when I am faithless. Thank you Jesus, Amen"
and then just as fast as I was woken up from a deep sleep I fell right back into one. When I woke up this morning, I could feel the Lord smiling at me and even a little wink. Then I felt the need to tell a close reliable prayer warrior/best friend so she could pray over me and hold me accountable so I was not entering this alone.
The other neat addition to this early morning moment with God that I love so much is all of the teachings that came flooding back to mind. Some people don't understand how powerful the act of obedience of going to church each Sunday is. As a family we go to get fed, and then there are those Sundays where you might not leave feeling super amazing like you just learned so much you have to go tell everyone you know. BUT then these moments happen. What you put in, is what you get out. I am thankful we have been in church depositing truth so when the tough moments and choices come the Holy Spirit suddenly (with out me even asking) floods you with all of the truths you have been subconsciously storing up.
I am at peace with this decision it feels natural this time. As always I am an open book if you have any questions. Please be in prayer with me/us that this remains in the Lords hands this time and not sneak back into my own. Also please feel free to ask occasionally how I am doing, be specific, I wont be offended. I will appreciate it.
Lastly, please understand that this is a personal decision. This is not a bash on alcohol. Each person has their own reasons why they do or do not drink. I am just explaining my own personal reasons.
Love Traci

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