Near death

I guess the story picks up where my last blog entry ended. I was put on "hospital level" bed rest at home until the middle of Feb. (when Kaiser would be 37weeks and considered full term and safe to come out) Like I mentioned in the last entry (titled "unfortunate turn of events") we had just got a schedule figured out and were planning to make the most of the next few months while being on the strictest level of bed rest.
(When this occurred I was 29 weeks pregnant, 40 weeks is full term) It was Monday the 28th of December, 2009 I had previously been in the ER since 2AM and got discharged around 10AM. I spent the remainder of the day laying flat on my back. Then at the end of the night I fell asleep on the couch about 11PM while Jason was watching TV before heading to bed. At exactly midnight I was jolted awake by a warm wet feeling covering my pants and legs, my first panicking thought was that my water had broke. Which was a horrible thing because it meant Kaiser was coming and there was officially NO stopping him. I jumped up freaking out to Jason trying to explain what was happening when I looked down and saw that the entire couch cushion was soaked in nothing but blood. I headed to the bathroom. Jason was in shock at this point and grabbing stuff to clean the couch. As I was in the bathroom attempting to "clean up," I hollered out to Jason to wake up Paisley and get a bag packed for her right away. I called our good friends Amber and Joel (back story, they were over just hours earlier for dinner. With news of the bed rest they had brought us dinner and played with Pais for awhile. Before they left they mentioned that if anything happened and we had to return to the hospital again to call them since they live so close to the hospital and that they would take Paisley for us) Jason grabbed a beach towel and I threw on some new pants as we jumped in the Tahoe. I called all of our parents back in Oregon on the way to the hospital. I remember shaking terribly and having difficulties breathing. Jason was driving in his normal cautious way, when I urged him to safely run some red lights. (using the red lights as a stop sign instead of waiting for the green light. He was not up for it until I reminded him that I was dying and I would gladly explain it to any cop if we were to get pulled over) When we got to the hospital Joel and Amber where waiting for us. Jason took care of the drop off as I made my way in bleeding. As I sat in a wheel chair, the moron behind the counter took her sweet time checking me in. I had called on the way so they would be waiting for me up in labor and delivery. At this point it started to sink in that I may not make it and the same went for our unborn son. Then I started having a hard time breathing. I realized that I never got to say goodbye to Paisley. Words can't describe what went through my mind at that point.
They got me upstairs and in to my room. (ugh I hate this part) Well they started trying to stabilize me. They explained that there is nothing that they can do to stop the bleeding. They gave me a shot of steroids in my butt cheek. The steroids were to speed up Kaiser's lung development in case he came before he was full term. They got my IV set up after numerous times trying to find a vein. Then came the vomiting. Four times if I remember correctly. I was then set up with a catheter. I was not aloud to eat or drink ANYTHING not even a single ice chip to wet my throat and mouth. Then as if I was not miserable enough... they started me on an IV with a new medication, magnesium sulfate, the strongest one there is, to stop contractions (and it never did stop my contractions) This medication was HELL. It makes you feel like the blood pumping through your veins is literally on fire, anything that touched my skin felt 100 degrees and was very painful. Take flu symptoms (achy and fever)and times it by 10. Then I went into shock. This was the first moment that I thought I was leaving to see Jesus. I was laying there in the bed with Jason holding my hand. I could not breath or talk. Jason and a nurse are both coaching me along, "breathe Traci, breathe. In through your nose and out through your mouth." They just kept repeating it over and over. I could hear them, and I thought I was doing what they were telling me but instead I was fading and everything was turning black, but bright white all at the same time... I know that doesn't make much sense. At some point I came back and was breathing fine. After that was the blood transfusion.They explained that since I had lost so much blood, if I had to have an emergency C-section that I would not make it. (During surgery you loose blood) By now it is roughly 8 Am on Monday the 29th of Dec. The Dr came in and informed us that I was not going to be going home until Kaiser was born. And that we would need to make arrangements because Paisley is not allowed anywhere in the hospital because of her age and the fact that it is "flu season" (SO LAME) so Jason began making phone calls and figuring out the "plan" for the next few months. Then Jason headed home to get some movies, the computer, shower stuff and clothes, just some of the things I/we would need to "live comfortably" in the hospital. (Jason and Amber had taken care of everything with Paisley so that was covered) Then Jason returned to the hospital and we put in a movie. I fell asleep around 2PM when all of the sudden I was woken up (again) from the intense flow of blood leaving my body. I was laying on my side when I fell asleep, I just simply opened my eyes and informed Jason to get a nurse right away. He walked around the bedside to take a look for himself, again not moving my body I just lifted the sheet and his face said it all. Next was the nurse, she walked in thinking it was just some more leaking... then her face said it all. I just kept hearing "code Green, code green" a nice man that I have never seen before rushed to my side and explained how an epidural works and that we were going in for an emergency c-section. If they do not get us in there now and get Kaiser out we would both die because of the amount of blood that I lost. I felt nothing but peace as a dozen or more Dr and nurses buzzed around the room and then rushed me to an OR. I was trying to control my breathing and not freak out even though that felt like the natural thing to do. I don't remember much else from there, they wheeled my bed into a tiny room with bright lights everywhere and I remember hearing panic in each of their voices. But yet I felt nothing but peace and comfort. As I was slipping away a man explained they did not have time for an epidural that I just needed to breathe deeply with the mask over my face and then suddenly... I was out.
During this time Jason explains that he was handed scrubs and was told to get out of his street clothes. He says it took him no more than a minute and when he stepped out of the bathroom EVERYONE including me and my bed were gone! He wandered the halls until he found someone and she directed him to a chair outside of the OR room. A Dr came out and explained to Jason that there was no time for the epidural and I was loosing a lot of blood but they would do everything they could to save his wife and son. Jason tells me at this point he dropped his head in his hands and told the Lord it was His will. He would except whatever outcome the Lord had planned for us. Jason also told me that at this point he felt nothing but peace and all of the support and prayers at this very specific moment. Then shortly after another Dr came out to inform Jason that Kaiser was fine and that he could see him in a minute before they rushed him up to the NICU. Jason asked how I was and the Dr told him that I was going to be OK but that I had lost a lot of blood. They directed him to where I would be recovering and what to expect.
I recall being in a dream world and talking about frosty the snowman and Disneyland. Then I reached for my tummy and that was when I realized that Kaiser was gone. I freaked out and started repeating where is Kaiser, is he OK, where is Paisley, is she OK? Where am I, what happened? Jason was standing there holding my hand and comforting me that they were both OK. This went on for a few hours I am told...
From there the rest is history. I wanted to document the experience for myself and my children so we can always have a specific record of this miracle the Lord performed for the Kenitzer family.
Kaiser Ray Kenitzer was born into the world on December 29th, 2009 at 3:04PM weighing 3lbs 2oz and 16 inches long. He will live the first few months of his life in the crazy chaotic world they call the NICU.

BECOMING TRACI 2009

Becoming Traci 2009
Serve your heavenly Father. Check. Love your husband. Check. Love your daughter. Check. Manage your home. Check. Care for your soul. Huh??? Caring for my soul and becoming Traci is my goal for 2009. This blog is to hold me accountable, track my progress and encourage me throughout the year ahead. This is going to be MY year...

As you read above this blog is to hold me accountable, keep be going and not loose sight of who I am capable of being. God made me. God made me to do wonderful things. Being a Mommy is a wonderful calling, but there is so much more to me. I have so much more in me that I am going to be, 2009 is going to be a starting point for me. Comments are encouraged and opinions are wanted. Welcome 2009 and the beginning of a new life for me... TRACI!

whats new... (before 2010)

Well had some dreams and goals to accomplish this year. I wish I could honestly say that they were all accomplished (since it is now Dec of 2009) BUT I did not. Surprisingly I am OK with it all though. The deeper goals that I had like praying, reading and worshiping on my own more often have been accomplished. I feel they are all part of the normal routine now and not just when it works for me. But also not routine in the fact that they are being done just to be done. A few of the more shallow goals were accomplished but not all. I didn't get to go snowboarding, or skydiving this year. But I am fine with the fact that I am expecting a little boy and both would put him at risk. So they can wait until next year! The bed rest is not helping either but again, I have plenty of more years to reach all of my goals while coming up with others. Some goals I was not expecting to accomplish this year have also been met... Paisley has been potty trained now since the middle of summer. We are having a baby boy around February of 2010. We were hoping to get pregnant this year, but we could have never imagined the joy of knowing we are having a boy to complete our family. Jason and I gave up drinking and having alcohol in the house. Well I guess I should get my list started for 2010... it will be interesting to see what I could possibly dream up after this amazingly successful, exciting and unforgetable year! Praise Jesus.

Child numero 2!!! (BEFORE 2010)

Well we wanted to give Paisley a sibling, and we wanted them to be as close to 3yrs as possible. Last night we found out that we are pregnant.... PRAISE THE LORD!

I have done it (BEFORE 2010)

I not only took my jewelry to stores, but it is currently being sold in 3! Many more to come too... it feels wonderful :) GO ME!!!

Acomplishment numero uno (BEFORE 2010)

Well sort of ;)
So I have completed 1 out of 10 books that I WILL read before 2010!!! I read The Shack and well it changed my life. In so many ways, I have written about it so I can go back and reflect on the lessons I learned and love I felt from God. I feel so much passion towards the Lord more than ever before, and better yet, I feel His passion for me beating through me. I feel that is several ways, I feel Him and His passion for me and for life and everything that encompasses literally going through me and using it or me as a tool to spark passion into and through others. So to get a picture of it you might see a wind made of lights passing through me and embracing others and then returning to me but starting a new burst of lights in those touched. (sorry if I sound crazy) Then I also have Him and His passion beaming inside of me like my own little battery pack of energy, peace, love and hope that He packaged up just for me like a very special gift that only He can give me. I am also seeing more around me than before, whether it is little miracles that the Lord orchestrated or the animals and trees and everything working together in perfect harmony... either way you slice it my life is already shaping up and I am getting that much closer to "being Traci" and I could not be happier!

I will (BEFORE 2010)

take my jewelry to the next step and get it in a few stores

I will (BEFORE 2010)

Dream bigger

I will (BEFORE 2010)

worship on my own more often

I will (BEFORE 2010)

read and pray more consistently

I will (BEFORE 2010)

finish 10 books

I will (BEFORE 2010)

learn to sew again, and make a blanket for our bed.

I will (BEFORE 2010)

get pregnant again (Lord willing around July, August)

I will (BEFORE 2010)

visit Catalina Island

I will (BEFORE 2010)

get more tattoos (sorry if you do not like it or agree)

I will (BEFORE 2010)

go snowboarding again (preferably in Oregon, not California)

I will (BEFORE 2010)

go sky diving again