leaning on Him

Somedays I am a leader. Somedays I follow. Today I am a leaner. Today I am leaning on The Lord Almighty. To day He will be my portion, my strength. He is my courage, my hope. In less then an hour I am meeting with my Dr. to find out the result to my tests. I have no fear, or anxiety. but I am resting in the Lord. Praying and trusting. Expecting answers. I want answers. I want to know what is wrong with me so we can fix it. Lord I am not coming to asking WHY. Instead I come before your throne, sitting and listening... looking for the WHAT. What do you want to show me through this. What do you want to use me for. What are you trying to show me. How can I bring you glory in and through this ordeal. I am sick. I am not myself and I am leaning on you for the What. Hear me oh Lord. I don't want to just take the pain the meds and call it good. I want to weed out the issue and fix it. I want me health and my life back. Only you can bring me these results and I am trusting in you Lord. Eucharisteo is a greek word meaning grace, thanksgiving and joy. Lord I find my Eucharisteo in you. The Eucharisteo PRECEDES the miracle. So Lord I thank you. I thank you Lord for your power, you plan and your perfect will for my life. I praise you Lord that you have me and my life and my family in your mighty hands. I thank you God for your faithfulness. I praise you God for answers I am going to get from the Dr. today. I thank you that you already know what he is going to say, and you already know the outcome. I don't have to worry, I don't have to questions if everything will be OK because I am resting in you Lord. I am your child and you have great plans for me. Your plan for me is Holy and perfect. I rest in you. I find peace and strength in your covering. I thank you God that you are enough. God I lay down my emptiness and ask you to make it full. I lay down my pain my discomfort praising you that your plan and your desire is to make me whole. I am leaning on you Lord. I thank you that will you will NOT let me fall. Lord I am yours. I love you. Love Traci

The beginning

It is time for change. After years of bed rest from my scary and difficult pregnancies, I have become a different person. I don't have the desire to exercise and eating has become merely for pleasure. Most days you can finding me sitting on my butt. BUT not anymore. Tomorrow I begin an 8 day challenge to lose weight and get my active healthy fun loving lifestyle back!!! Naturally I can hardly wait! Here is a great photo that you can totally see the weight in my face. It is embarrassing and time for a change. I am a Mom, but I do not have to look like most of them... so I am taking the challenge and changing my body appearance, inside and out. I will post inches lost and photos so I can see the change. AND if you are interested join me. You can go to www.xyngular.com/tkenitzer GLADLY walk you through menu plans and products if you have any questions at all. Any one can do this and at any age or any weight. It has many healing properties too, my personal family members have been healed from fibromyalgia high blood sugars and migraines. Call me or facebook me with any questions... LETS loose the weight together and FOREVER! 949-439-2365 First measurements and photos to come .....

Revelations

This Christmas season was filled with revelations. I wish that I would have written more of them down, there were THAT many. But here is one I thankfully caught a photo of... So we had a friend over the other night. We were catching up and she was filling us in. She had left her very successful job making plenty of money and even enjoyed her work very much, to fill a place at her church. She is making over half less then what she was making before and has had to dramatically change her lifestyle because of it... (she has done so with nothing but joy as you can see it all over her face) as she explained her daily tasks of getting up early daily to pray over others to have devotions and time in the word daily. I was very happy for her, and also wanted that for myself, but since I choose to become a mother THAT was the season that I was in. Not mothering over other children. So I felt a bit sad in my heart that I couldn't be doing that too! Just like God, a few days later I finally had time and a desire to sit down and figure out Paisley's new and official home school curriculum. I locked myself in my room and was in there for over 8hrs! After I put all the binders together (which was NO small task) next I began learning how to understand  the daily lessons. How to read them how to prepare to teach them and how to teach them. Next I had to learn so that I could teach it to Paisley! Well after I was a few hours into it... I laughed out loud when I had a revelation. I heard the Lords voice ask me "What are YOU doing RIGHT now... is this not exactly what you were wanting?" As I looked around I had two Bibles out (two different versions for very clear understanding for ALL of the questions I know Paisley will be asking.) I had Bible lessons and every other lesson that all come directly out of scripture! I wasn't getting paid in monetary values but I am surely storing up my blessing IN heaven! I began this whole time of preparation on my knees in prayer, (this is personal but I am documenting it for my benefit for the future as I will be preparing these lessons EACH day and not just this once) I prayed out loud with my hands cupped open to the Lord, as a symbol of me giving myself and all my short comings to Him. It was also a symbol of me being open to accept all that I was going to need from Him to carry out this task successfully. Then Throughout the prayer the Holy Spirit came over me, and I began singing, I don't know what I sang, it was a new song. NOT one that I had heard before, but one the Holy Spirit put in me. As I finished singing the song I can't explain how I felt physically, emotionally and mentally. But full and at peace touch the surface! So Lord I want to thank you for being my everything. For using me to teach love and serve the two precious gifts you so specifically placed in our care. I thank you for the revelations, I hold them dear to my heart. I document them as a reminder in the hard times. When I am feeling inadequate to teach my daughter, and not good enough to selflessly love and serve my family. God YOU are enough. You are my portion. I am your daughter. I am special. I am important. You have called me to a purpose and in your strength, through your guidance I will march firmly ahead. Carry me when I need it. Fill me when I am empty. Wipe my tears when I cry and please oh please pick me up when I fall! I thank you Lord for your provisions. For your blessings and for your miracles. Thank you for the desire to leave MY highly successful job to stay at home and raise Paisley and Kaiser. Thank you for providing so abundantly along the way. Thank you for always making a way, even when there seemed to be no way. Praise you Lord for all that you have brought me through over the last 6 years. I started SO low, SO depressed and even more lonely. But I praise you God that I always have YOU. You are all I need, you will supply the rest, overly and abundantly because that is how much you love me. Jesus I love you. Thank you for loving me so deeply. Amen.

Miss Kirstie

The week before we traveled to Oregon we welcomed a last minute house guest. This is Kirstie. She is 19 and from Northern Cali. She was at a cross point in her life and trying to figure out where to go from here. We welcomed herinto our home for a week and treated her like she was family. I took her around trying to get her a job and many other things. When we brought her in to our home as a complete stranger we were nervous but as a couple we took it to the Lord. Jason and I felt peace and moved forward praying diligently over each day that we could bless her and show her Gods unconditional love. I felt like a 26 year old mom to a 19 year old.... so I had no clue what I was doing when she would ask me questions about life and what "to do next in life" we prayed together and read our Bible together. I asked the Lord to speak through me into her life as it was not a mistake that she came to our home. As always when doing missions work you go into it with the intent to bless love and serve, and of course the Lord faithfully used miss Kirstie to love and bless us as a family too. As you can see she was wonderful with Paisley (Paisley got a good lesson from this all too) Through our morning and nightly talks about life past present and future I encouraged her to ask God into her heart and let Him lead her life, after all HE was the one who perfectly and wonderfully made her... She had lots of questions and comments and we went through them all, again the Lord was faithful to plant the seeds. When it was time for her to go (Jason had made a point that she could stay in our home as long as I was home too, but once me and the kids left for Oregon she needed to go as well, she understood and respected his wisdom) there were many tears on all sides. She will always know she is part of our family and can always find prayer encouragement and truth anytime day or night. We praised the Lord that we were part of His plan for her life and her ours. We thanked Him for protected us and our belongs after inviting a complete stranger into our home, who was going through a deep dark time. We will continue to pray over her and keep in touch. But here is a record for us as a family and Pais as she grows older to see the Lord at work specifically within our family. We talk about letting the Lord use us to bless others and that has come in all sorts of forms and Paisley has been a part of them all... this one was a bigger step of faith and I am so glad we did it as a family with the Lords blessings.... GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!! Jesusu be with you Kirstie!

neglect

I have neglected my personal blog... for months now. This year has been filled with lessons learned and lessons learning. I can hardly keep track of them BUT I want to start again. The Lord is doing great works in my life, my husbands, my daughters, my sons and my brothers. The gratitude towards the Lord for His provisions and guidance upon each of us is inmeasurable. The Lord is answering prayers so fast I can hardly keep track of them. I was recently made aware that I am in a season of peace healing and growth. It is a season that makes me squirm, literally. I have a type A personally with a capital A. I am a doer by nature and ONLY feel good about myself when I am productive and have hard evidence of what I have been doing with my time. So naturally this season the Lord has put me in is one that makes me uncomfortable. After all we have been dragged through the last 5 years you would think I would be happy to just take a breather from all the hardships. But not me. I hesitated to even accept the fact that this is a new season and a season of putting into myself. Ugh it made me SO uncomfortable. I am praying more then ever before and praying like never before, I am praying for people and things I have never prayed for before. I am reading my Bible, I am studying my Bible. I am staying on track with my oh so perfect devotional. (Jesus Calling by, Sarah Young) along with a few other key books that are transforming and shaping my life. (Teaching Your Child How To Pray by, Rick Osborne, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, Sabbath by Wayne Muller and The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace) I am hungry for God and history and understanding the Bible for the first time in my life. I am openly communicating with the Lord throughout my day during the good the bad and the dull. I am keeping a record of things that I am thankful for and it is teaching me a new way of life. Not just to be "thankful" but to see God in everything. To see God in the good the bad and the everyday tasks like making meals and cleaning house. I am learning to accept just how much My God loves me and how much He has for me, if I just ask, and then if I just listen. God is constant, I am not. BUT I am learning to be. I am reaping the rewards daily of giving my life, my time my money and thoughts over to God at the start of each day. Then throughout the day asking for guidance and direction. He has the answer and I just need to be open to His way instead of planning it all MY way. I am seeing the benefits of my transformation blossoming through Paisley as well. Her heart for God and understanding is slowly growing and maturing before our eyes. Her most recent blessing took place one night while I was not at home. Jason was home with the kids and I guess as the sun was setting Jason found Paisley standing on our couch looking out the window into the sunset. The sky was bright pink and oranges with purple too. She was jumping up and down shouting (yes SHOUTING) "Thank you Jesus, oh Lord, Thank you so much. Oh Jesus I just love it, thank you...." on and on as Jason explained. I started crying when he told me. A few nights before her and I were watching the same sun set from the same couch. As the sky lit up with gorgeous colors from Gods pallet, I grabbed her and explained that the art in the sky was a very special gift, a gift JUST for Paisley. I asked her whose favorite colors were lighting up the sky? She replied proudly, "mine Momma mine!" and I told her "Yes Paisley, that is because God loves you so much and more, He decorated that sky tonight just for you!" She didn't seem all that enthused and hopped down and continued playing. I was sad at the moment thinking maybe she didn't understand or worse yet, she didn't care.(therefore I am not doing my job as a mommy very well...)Apparently she was listening. The Lord showed me in that moment that all He asks of me is to teach, to be an example and to LOVE my children, HE will do the rest... The Lord is also growing a love and a relationship between Jason and I that I could have only hoped for. We will be married 6 years this October and our first 5 years of marriage have been HARD. But the Lord is faithfully using all of the struggles and hardships to glue us together tighter then ever. I have never been so attracted and in love with him, all of him. Praise God for that!
Oh Lord,
To you I am thankful. To you I owe my all. To you I shout praises and glory to your name alone. I fall before you, you are my King. Lord Jesus I love you. I am thankful for your steadfast love. Your steadfast promises. I thank you for all you have blessed us with financially. I thank you that you answer prayers and you are faithful. Praise you Jesus.

Dec 2 2010

Accountability:
Traci
1. Get out of bed @ 6
2. Read Bible daily
3. Be a good steward of time and money
Eric
1. Read Bible daily
2. Excersize consistantly
3. Look at others through Gods eyes

Prayer for:
Traci
Be selfless and keep all of the glory for GOD
Eric
To stay hungry for God

Thanks For:
Traci
Kaiser's personality coming out
Eric
That God provides

When He calls my name

So much has been going on. So many lessons have been learned. And so many prayers have been answered, I can not keep up with them on the blog. This one needs to be documented. I need to hold myself accountable. So here it goes...(back story) over a year ago the Lord asked me to quit drinking. It was a big ordeal and Jason I both in the end brought to the Lord and were obedient. Months went by and we did not have a single drink. Then after Kaiser was born we began finding reasons "why it was OK to have ONE drink" then it was two. Never any more than that, but we were still taking it back into our own hands... and making legit reasons why it was OK.)
This morning I was woken up by the Lord. If you have never experienced this before it is quite scary. As a Mom I wake up often in the night responding to different sounds throughout the house. But this is different. One minute I am happily sleeping and the next minute I am staring conviction right in the face. Not guilt or condemnation... conviction and My King right there surrounding me in the dark of the early morning hours. I heard the Lords voice as clear as day, "Traci, I have been whispering to you about this one thing, but your stubbornness keeps getting in the way. Your lack of self discipline keeps playing a role in there too. I am done whispering. I am coming to you out of love, I have asked you to let go of alcohol. You were obedient, but then you took it back into your own hands. It is time you leave it at my feet and be obedient. The next time I ask wont be so nice. So what will it be?"
I replied, "Lord when you put it that way, of course I choose you. I will let it go and not let it be a barrier between us any longer. Thank you for loving me and coming to me like this. Lord I lay this at the cross and I will not go back. I ask for deliverance and forgiveness of this sin. I pray for self control. I ask that you would remove the very temptation. I used to be addicted to drugs and another lifestyle and you delivered me from those free and clear. I ask you to do the same with the alcohol now too. Thank you for your faithfulness even when I am faithless. Thank you Jesus, Amen"
and then just as fast as I was woken up from a deep sleep I fell right back into one. When I woke up this morning, I could feel the Lord smiling at me and even a little wink. Then I felt the need to tell a close reliable prayer warrior/best friend so she could pray over me and hold me accountable so I was not entering this alone.
The other neat addition to this early morning moment with God that I love so much is all of the teachings that came flooding back to mind. Some people don't understand how powerful the act of obedience of going to church each Sunday is. As a family we go to get fed, and then there are those Sundays where you might not leave feeling super amazing like you just learned so much you have to go tell everyone you know. BUT then these moments happen. What you put in, is what you get out. I am thankful we have been in church depositing truth so when the tough moments and choices come the Holy Spirit suddenly (with out me even asking) floods you with all of the truths you have been subconsciously storing up.
I am at peace with this decision it feels natural this time. As always I am an open book if you have any questions. Please be in prayer with me/us that this remains in the Lords hands this time and not sneak back into my own. Also please feel free to ask occasionally how I am doing, be specific, I wont be offended. I will appreciate it.
Lastly, please understand that this is a personal decision. This is not a bash on alcohol. Each person has their own reasons why they do or do not drink. I am just explaining my own personal reasons.
Love Traci

Becoming A World Changing Family

Becoming A World Changing Family by, Donna S. Thomas
Fun and innovative ways to spread the good news.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by, Stephen E Covey

The Strong-Willed Child

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Hero Tales

Hero Tales by, Dave and Neta Jackson
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It is Official

We are going to homeschool Paisley beginning this fall.
The Lord put it on my heart for a few months... and I ignored it. It was the last thing I wanted to add to my plate. For about a month now the Lord has been showing me different and new angles that have totally changed my heart about it. This is my season to pour into my children God blessed ME with, so why not make the most of it. After praying about it, researching curriculum online and talking with other homeschooling Moms/families I respect and admired, I narrowed it down to one. Plus we are adding LOTS of our own as well.
Who: Paisley Liv
What: Sonlight P3/4 curriculum http://www.sonlight.com/newcomer-p34.html
In addition we have a schedule that will include: homemaking, art, crafts(seasonal and holiday), games, literature, music, cooking/baking, serving others and field trips. For keeping her socialized we are part of two different MOMS groups with plenty of peers for her to play and be around, until she gets to the 1st grade level. At that point we will join or create a co-op that will offer science and PE on a level we can not offer her along with peer interaction.
When: starting this fall when all the other kids go back to school
Where: At home of course
WHY: This is a BIG one... so here it goes.
(Here are our reasons and not in any particular order)
-To keep Christ the center of our home.
-To teach Paisley to seek God's kingdom above everything else.
-Raise her with a Godly heart for the world.
-To nurture Paisley's enthusiasm to learn and a desire to discover.
-To teach her to listen well to others.
-Teach her that listening to other views won't destroy her faith.
-We as her parents, want to be the primary influence in her life.
-We will be able to keep up with Paisley and a pace that will continue to challenge her.
-We will have more freedom to control her curriculum and give her everything she needs and not have to sacrifice due to budget cuts.

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this. We are very passionate about this, and the Lord has continued to bless us with tools and resources and we trust He will continue to through the years as we follow His guidance on this matter. We are looking forward to showing her progress and all she is learning. If you have any questions or comments on the matter feel free to ask! It has been and will always be a learning curve for Jason and I, so prayers are more thank appreciated. Specifically wisdom patience and guidance along with opportunities to further His kingdom together as a family.
PS here is the desk we bought and are refinishing to be her special spot. She wakes up every morning and goes straight there drawing smiley faces, stick figures and LOTS and lots of the letter P! Gotta love it.

Cont Missions Trip

This trip was a blessing. God choose me to go on this missions trip very specifically. He made the path to get me there smooth. The Lord provided the funds using my amazingly generous aunt Teri. And he used my wonderful husband to so kindly take care of the kids in my absence. The hard work and sweat that I was able to offer and the bonds and friendships that will last a lifetime are priceless. The Lord blessed me more than I can explain and take in at the moment. I was honored that the Lord let me be His hands and feet to bless a family and ultimately bring glory to God! I am in the process of learning spanish and praying about the next trip. The Lord has very clearly put on my heart that "You did a good job my obedient servant, but you are not done yet." I am listening God, open the doors and lead the way, I am willing and I LOVE YOU so much and more! Thank you for this opportunity to serve you in such a real and tangible way. Fill us up and send us out, Lord!!!

Cont Missions Trip

And the finished product. A photo of the family that will occupy the home once the next group stuccos it for them. And then a grand finale picture of our group (minus, Mike, Kelly, Vanessa and Clint, they left just a few hours before the end of the work day, they needed to be home) and the owners of the home. We all stood inside with the family (even though they could not speak english) and prayed over the home and the memories that would be made there. We did not just built a a home. We TOGETHER as a team built a place for them the children to grow up and memories to be made. A place to learn about God and for God to show them in a very real way His love, power and grace. We prayed that the children of the home would grow up to glorify God and lead others to the Lord through their testimony. God bless this home.

Cont Missions Trip

My oh my this is so much fun reminiscing over the trip and all of the memories made... so in the window Jessi wrote my quote of the weekend. I would wave to everyone that went by (I was so excited to just be there, I could not help myself and for once could care less what they might have thought about me... it was very freeing and powerful for me) so I would wave and of course flash my smile at everyone. Then if I had a chance to speak with them, I would say "gracias" or "adios." But then I would add to the end "Vaya Con Dios" (back story) when I was growing up we would say to one another "vaya con dios" but in english we said "Jesus be with you" So to be fair I KNOW that "vaya con dios" translates "God with God" but to ME when I am saying it, in my heart I am telling them "Jesus be with you!" All of mexico probably thinks I am "LOCO" but oh well!!! Everyone in the car had a good laugh when I explained this to them... it makes sense to me though :)

Cont Missions Trip

Well there were a handful of evident miracles that the Lord blessed us with over the trip... one, being complete removal of a migraine that Megan got the first night camping. Then the fact that Jeff even made it on the trip was a miracle, Jeff has major back problems. He is missing a disc,(OUCH!) and the morning of or the night before he fell to his knees, but he was there and worked his tail off, even though he would argue that with you! Also the quickness that Mike and Kelly received their passports and documents to order them was and could only have been GOD. Another miracle was my keys. Well for starters yes I brought both sets planning ahead. Well I was holding on to one set and Jeff and his radiant wife Cecilia had the other set. I was unaware that at some point their set had dropped in the dirt. I was walking up the hill to get more waters when I just about stepped on my own keys in the dirt! Then at the end of the trip I misplaced MY set of keys. I searched all the places I had kept them but they were no where to be found, a minute later I thought, why am I giving this so much thought (which is not like me to give up until they were found) I could be helping everyone else pack up, the Lord will find my keys. Off we drove home and 10min into the drive... my keys appeared! The Lord is faithful!!! There were more, but at the moment these are the ones that come to mind...

Cont Missions Trip

Sunday was different from Saturday... I think everyone was pretty wiped out from the heat and personally the pancakes just didn't tide me over or give me enough energy... so by the late afternoon on Sunday I just felt in the way. Then I found Dominic! Dominic was the man that could have single handedly built the house on his own... but he didn't he was SO patient and kind. I was SO thankful for that. So unfortunately for him I followed him around the rest of the afternoon doing anything he would let me :) I understood that I was visual and needed to be shown what to do not told. SO here I am staying busy by following him around! God bless you Dominic for understanding me and not making fun of me.

Cont Missions Trip

Random photo to most... but for Jessi (my new best friend and long lost kindred spirit) and me it is yet another picture of a cross. From the moment the trip started the word CROSS was put on my heart.(still not sure why) Dee the handywoman rockstar I mentioned before was telling me story before we got in the vehicles and headed South. She explained that she collects crosses. She has them all over her home. That she has a favorite one her daughter had gotten her. Then she goes on to tell me that the Lord had put on her heart to bring a cross for the family we were going to build the house for as a house warming gift. She said she immediately thought of her fav cross but thought no I will go buy one instead. Well after shopping she found one that she said "would work" but still was not feeling it. She wrapped up the newly bought cross and placed it in her pillow case. Then a few moments later tossed her pillow aside to get to something else, forgetting about the brand new cross. The cross broke into pieces and she said, "I got it Lord, I know what I need to do." So she so selflessly brought and had everyone sign the back of her favorite cross and generously gave it to the family.... great story to start off the trip! So having the word CROSS confirmed, Jessi and I thought it would be fun to keep out eye out for crosses the whole trip.

Cont Missions Trip

Here is a great picture of Dee... she is a handy woman rockstar! There is nothing this woman can not do. I should also point out we were the only two women that went with out their men. I love this picture also for so wonderfully capturing the conditions they live in. See the home over her right shoulder. A family lives there, with children even... it really makes you appreciate your front door, the locks, the non leaky roof, your carpet and the vacuum, the running CLEAN water, the toilets that flush into a sewer system, not to mention that is the "yard" or the where are all the kids play, there are no parks or safe places to run around. But they never complain, they are amazing at TRULY recycling. They toss nothing and are not prideful. We have a lot to learn from the, and their survival techniques...
Also here is a cute pic of Kelly my secret camping all star with a good picture of the bathroom... don't worry only from the outside!

Cont Missions Trip

This is me and Sess or Sessa... she is my sister in Christ. We have become very close over the last year and I could not live with out her. She is family in the deepest sense of the word. Her name is Vanessa but Pais could only say Sessa so to us she is Auntie Sessa, Sess for short. I love her and can not say enough good things about her. It was a surprise when we found out we were both going, and it was nice to have experienced the trip together. She was our God sent translator. She was the only one who could speak fluent spanish! We couldn't have done it with out her.