leaning on Him

Somedays I am a leader. Somedays I follow. Today I am a leaner. Today I am leaning on The Lord Almighty. To day He will be my portion, my strength. He is my courage, my hope. In less then an hour I am meeting with my Dr. to find out the result to my tests. I have no fear, or anxiety. but I am resting in the Lord. Praying and trusting. Expecting answers. I want answers. I want to know what is wrong with me so we can fix it. Lord I am not coming to asking WHY. Instead I come before your throne, sitting and listening... looking for the WHAT. What do you want to show me through this. What do you want to use me for. What are you trying to show me. How can I bring you glory in and through this ordeal. I am sick. I am not myself and I am leaning on you for the What. Hear me oh Lord. I don't want to just take the pain the meds and call it good. I want to weed out the issue and fix it. I want me health and my life back. Only you can bring me these results and I am trusting in you Lord. Eucharisteo is a greek word meaning grace, thanksgiving and joy. Lord I find my Eucharisteo in you. The Eucharisteo PRECEDES the miracle. So Lord I thank you. I thank you Lord for your power, you plan and your perfect will for my life. I praise you Lord that you have me and my life and my family in your mighty hands. I thank you God for your faithfulness. I praise you God for answers I am going to get from the Dr. today. I thank you that you already know what he is going to say, and you already know the outcome. I don't have to worry, I don't have to questions if everything will be OK because I am resting in you Lord. I am your child and you have great plans for me. Your plan for me is Holy and perfect. I rest in you. I find peace and strength in your covering. I thank you God that you are enough. God I lay down my emptiness and ask you to make it full. I lay down my pain my discomfort praising you that your plan and your desire is to make me whole. I am leaning on you Lord. I thank you that will you will NOT let me fall. Lord I am yours. I love you. Love Traci

The beginning

It is time for change. After years of bed rest from my scary and difficult pregnancies, I have become a different person. I don't have the desire to exercise and eating has become merely for pleasure. Most days you can finding me sitting on my butt. BUT not anymore. Tomorrow I begin an 8 day challenge to lose weight and get my active healthy fun loving lifestyle back!!! Naturally I can hardly wait! Here is a great photo that you can totally see the weight in my face. It is embarrassing and time for a change. I am a Mom, but I do not have to look like most of them... so I am taking the challenge and changing my body appearance, inside and out. I will post inches lost and photos so I can see the change. AND if you are interested join me. You can go to www.xyngular.com/tkenitzer GLADLY walk you through menu plans and products if you have any questions at all. Any one can do this and at any age or any weight. It has many healing properties too, my personal family members have been healed from fibromyalgia high blood sugars and migraines. Call me or facebook me with any questions... LETS loose the weight together and FOREVER! 949-439-2365 First measurements and photos to come .....

Revelations

This Christmas season was filled with revelations. I wish that I would have written more of them down, there were THAT many. But here is one I thankfully caught a photo of... So we had a friend over the other night. We were catching up and she was filling us in. She had left her very successful job making plenty of money and even enjoyed her work very much, to fill a place at her church. She is making over half less then what she was making before and has had to dramatically change her lifestyle because of it... (she has done so with nothing but joy as you can see it all over her face) as she explained her daily tasks of getting up early daily to pray over others to have devotions and time in the word daily. I was very happy for her, and also wanted that for myself, but since I choose to become a mother THAT was the season that I was in. Not mothering over other children. So I felt a bit sad in my heart that I couldn't be doing that too! Just like God, a few days later I finally had time and a desire to sit down and figure out Paisley's new and official home school curriculum. I locked myself in my room and was in there for over 8hrs! After I put all the binders together (which was NO small task) next I began learning how to understand  the daily lessons. How to read them how to prepare to teach them and how to teach them. Next I had to learn so that I could teach it to Paisley! Well after I was a few hours into it... I laughed out loud when I had a revelation. I heard the Lords voice ask me "What are YOU doing RIGHT now... is this not exactly what you were wanting?" As I looked around I had two Bibles out (two different versions for very clear understanding for ALL of the questions I know Paisley will be asking.) I had Bible lessons and every other lesson that all come directly out of scripture! I wasn't getting paid in monetary values but I am surely storing up my blessing IN heaven! I began this whole time of preparation on my knees in prayer, (this is personal but I am documenting it for my benefit for the future as I will be preparing these lessons EACH day and not just this once) I prayed out loud with my hands cupped open to the Lord, as a symbol of me giving myself and all my short comings to Him. It was also a symbol of me being open to accept all that I was going to need from Him to carry out this task successfully. Then Throughout the prayer the Holy Spirit came over me, and I began singing, I don't know what I sang, it was a new song. NOT one that I had heard before, but one the Holy Spirit put in me. As I finished singing the song I can't explain how I felt physically, emotionally and mentally. But full and at peace touch the surface! So Lord I want to thank you for being my everything. For using me to teach love and serve the two precious gifts you so specifically placed in our care. I thank you for the revelations, I hold them dear to my heart. I document them as a reminder in the hard times. When I am feeling inadequate to teach my daughter, and not good enough to selflessly love and serve my family. God YOU are enough. You are my portion. I am your daughter. I am special. I am important. You have called me to a purpose and in your strength, through your guidance I will march firmly ahead. Carry me when I need it. Fill me when I am empty. Wipe my tears when I cry and please oh please pick me up when I fall! I thank you Lord for your provisions. For your blessings and for your miracles. Thank you for the desire to leave MY highly successful job to stay at home and raise Paisley and Kaiser. Thank you for providing so abundantly along the way. Thank you for always making a way, even when there seemed to be no way. Praise you Lord for all that you have brought me through over the last 6 years. I started SO low, SO depressed and even more lonely. But I praise you God that I always have YOU. You are all I need, you will supply the rest, overly and abundantly because that is how much you love me. Jesus I love you. Thank you for loving me so deeply. Amen.

Miss Kirstie

The week before we traveled to Oregon we welcomed a last minute house guest. This is Kirstie. She is 19 and from Northern Cali. She was at a cross point in her life and trying to figure out where to go from here. We welcomed herinto our home for a week and treated her like she was family. I took her around trying to get her a job and many other things. When we brought her in to our home as a complete stranger we were nervous but as a couple we took it to the Lord. Jason and I felt peace and moved forward praying diligently over each day that we could bless her and show her Gods unconditional love. I felt like a 26 year old mom to a 19 year old.... so I had no clue what I was doing when she would ask me questions about life and what "to do next in life" we prayed together and read our Bible together. I asked the Lord to speak through me into her life as it was not a mistake that she came to our home. As always when doing missions work you go into it with the intent to bless love and serve, and of course the Lord faithfully used miss Kirstie to love and bless us as a family too. As you can see she was wonderful with Paisley (Paisley got a good lesson from this all too) Through our morning and nightly talks about life past present and future I encouraged her to ask God into her heart and let Him lead her life, after all HE was the one who perfectly and wonderfully made her... She had lots of questions and comments and we went through them all, again the Lord was faithful to plant the seeds. When it was time for her to go (Jason had made a point that she could stay in our home as long as I was home too, but once me and the kids left for Oregon she needed to go as well, she understood and respected his wisdom) there were many tears on all sides. She will always know she is part of our family and can always find prayer encouragement and truth anytime day or night. We praised the Lord that we were part of His plan for her life and her ours. We thanked Him for protected us and our belongs after inviting a complete stranger into our home, who was going through a deep dark time. We will continue to pray over her and keep in touch. But here is a record for us as a family and Pais as she grows older to see the Lord at work specifically within our family. We talk about letting the Lord use us to bless others and that has come in all sorts of forms and Paisley has been a part of them all... this one was a bigger step of faith and I am so glad we did it as a family with the Lords blessings.... GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!! Jesusu be with you Kirstie!

neglect

I have neglected my personal blog... for months now. This year has been filled with lessons learned and lessons learning. I can hardly keep track of them BUT I want to start again. The Lord is doing great works in my life, my husbands, my daughters, my sons and my brothers. The gratitude towards the Lord for His provisions and guidance upon each of us is inmeasurable. The Lord is answering prayers so fast I can hardly keep track of them. I was recently made aware that I am in a season of peace healing and growth. It is a season that makes me squirm, literally. I have a type A personally with a capital A. I am a doer by nature and ONLY feel good about myself when I am productive and have hard evidence of what I have been doing with my time. So naturally this season the Lord has put me in is one that makes me uncomfortable. After all we have been dragged through the last 5 years you would think I would be happy to just take a breather from all the hardships. But not me. I hesitated to even accept the fact that this is a new season and a season of putting into myself. Ugh it made me SO uncomfortable. I am praying more then ever before and praying like never before, I am praying for people and things I have never prayed for before. I am reading my Bible, I am studying my Bible. I am staying on track with my oh so perfect devotional. (Jesus Calling by, Sarah Young) along with a few other key books that are transforming and shaping my life. (Teaching Your Child How To Pray by, Rick Osborne, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, Sabbath by Wayne Muller and The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace) I am hungry for God and history and understanding the Bible for the first time in my life. I am openly communicating with the Lord throughout my day during the good the bad and the dull. I am keeping a record of things that I am thankful for and it is teaching me a new way of life. Not just to be "thankful" but to see God in everything. To see God in the good the bad and the everyday tasks like making meals and cleaning house. I am learning to accept just how much My God loves me and how much He has for me, if I just ask, and then if I just listen. God is constant, I am not. BUT I am learning to be. I am reaping the rewards daily of giving my life, my time my money and thoughts over to God at the start of each day. Then throughout the day asking for guidance and direction. He has the answer and I just need to be open to His way instead of planning it all MY way. I am seeing the benefits of my transformation blossoming through Paisley as well. Her heart for God and understanding is slowly growing and maturing before our eyes. Her most recent blessing took place one night while I was not at home. Jason was home with the kids and I guess as the sun was setting Jason found Paisley standing on our couch looking out the window into the sunset. The sky was bright pink and oranges with purple too. She was jumping up and down shouting (yes SHOUTING) "Thank you Jesus, oh Lord, Thank you so much. Oh Jesus I just love it, thank you...." on and on as Jason explained. I started crying when he told me. A few nights before her and I were watching the same sun set from the same couch. As the sky lit up with gorgeous colors from Gods pallet, I grabbed her and explained that the art in the sky was a very special gift, a gift JUST for Paisley. I asked her whose favorite colors were lighting up the sky? She replied proudly, "mine Momma mine!" and I told her "Yes Paisley, that is because God loves you so much and more, He decorated that sky tonight just for you!" She didn't seem all that enthused and hopped down and continued playing. I was sad at the moment thinking maybe she didn't understand or worse yet, she didn't care.(therefore I am not doing my job as a mommy very well...)Apparently she was listening. The Lord showed me in that moment that all He asks of me is to teach, to be an example and to LOVE my children, HE will do the rest... The Lord is also growing a love and a relationship between Jason and I that I could have only hoped for. We will be married 6 years this October and our first 5 years of marriage have been HARD. But the Lord is faithfully using all of the struggles and hardships to glue us together tighter then ever. I have never been so attracted and in love with him, all of him. Praise God for that!
Oh Lord,
To you I am thankful. To you I owe my all. To you I shout praises and glory to your name alone. I fall before you, you are my King. Lord Jesus I love you. I am thankful for your steadfast love. Your steadfast promises. I thank you for all you have blessed us with financially. I thank you that you answer prayers and you are faithful. Praise you Jesus.

Dec 2 2010

Accountability:
Traci
1. Get out of bed @ 6
2. Read Bible daily
3. Be a good steward of time and money
Eric
1. Read Bible daily
2. Excersize consistantly
3. Look at others through Gods eyes

Prayer for:
Traci
Be selfless and keep all of the glory for GOD
Eric
To stay hungry for God

Thanks For:
Traci
Kaiser's personality coming out
Eric
That God provides

When He calls my name

So much has been going on. So many lessons have been learned. And so many prayers have been answered, I can not keep up with them on the blog. This one needs to be documented. I need to hold myself accountable. So here it goes...(back story) over a year ago the Lord asked me to quit drinking. It was a big ordeal and Jason I both in the end brought to the Lord and were obedient. Months went by and we did not have a single drink. Then after Kaiser was born we began finding reasons "why it was OK to have ONE drink" then it was two. Never any more than that, but we were still taking it back into our own hands... and making legit reasons why it was OK.)
This morning I was woken up by the Lord. If you have never experienced this before it is quite scary. As a Mom I wake up often in the night responding to different sounds throughout the house. But this is different. One minute I am happily sleeping and the next minute I am staring conviction right in the face. Not guilt or condemnation... conviction and My King right there surrounding me in the dark of the early morning hours. I heard the Lords voice as clear as day, "Traci, I have been whispering to you about this one thing, but your stubbornness keeps getting in the way. Your lack of self discipline keeps playing a role in there too. I am done whispering. I am coming to you out of love, I have asked you to let go of alcohol. You were obedient, but then you took it back into your own hands. It is time you leave it at my feet and be obedient. The next time I ask wont be so nice. So what will it be?"
I replied, "Lord when you put it that way, of course I choose you. I will let it go and not let it be a barrier between us any longer. Thank you for loving me and coming to me like this. Lord I lay this at the cross and I will not go back. I ask for deliverance and forgiveness of this sin. I pray for self control. I ask that you would remove the very temptation. I used to be addicted to drugs and another lifestyle and you delivered me from those free and clear. I ask you to do the same with the alcohol now too. Thank you for your faithfulness even when I am faithless. Thank you Jesus, Amen"
and then just as fast as I was woken up from a deep sleep I fell right back into one. When I woke up this morning, I could feel the Lord smiling at me and even a little wink. Then I felt the need to tell a close reliable prayer warrior/best friend so she could pray over me and hold me accountable so I was not entering this alone.
The other neat addition to this early morning moment with God that I love so much is all of the teachings that came flooding back to mind. Some people don't understand how powerful the act of obedience of going to church each Sunday is. As a family we go to get fed, and then there are those Sundays where you might not leave feeling super amazing like you just learned so much you have to go tell everyone you know. BUT then these moments happen. What you put in, is what you get out. I am thankful we have been in church depositing truth so when the tough moments and choices come the Holy Spirit suddenly (with out me even asking) floods you with all of the truths you have been subconsciously storing up.
I am at peace with this decision it feels natural this time. As always I am an open book if you have any questions. Please be in prayer with me/us that this remains in the Lords hands this time and not sneak back into my own. Also please feel free to ask occasionally how I am doing, be specific, I wont be offended. I will appreciate it.
Lastly, please understand that this is a personal decision. This is not a bash on alcohol. Each person has their own reasons why they do or do not drink. I am just explaining my own personal reasons.
Love Traci