Well it is Sept

and praise God almost OCTOBER! We have had a long year with record visits from family and friends. It was great but I think it is safe to say we over did it. We talked and have decided to stay home for Christmas and enjoy our last Christmas as just the three of us. Paisley will be such a great age to better grasp all the traditions we have and take a bigger part in them with us and not just watch. I have received news that my Dad is getting married however, and possibly by the end of the year, so if that is so we will of course make it up to Oregon to be a part of that to welcome Kim and her beautiful daughters to the family!
It has been the hottest summer EVER (for us) and we are barely surviving with out AC... cooking or should I say not cooking has been the hardest part. I enjoy cooking and since it is so HOT I can not use the oven or stove, and well it has been months... needless to say I have never been SO ANXIOUS for fall. October 1st Jason and I will be celebrating 4 years of marriage. We are humbly proud. We know we could not have made it this far with out Jesus Christ in the middle of it. Of course the years where He was more accurately on the sidelines and not exactly in the middle where very rough and we had some close calls to giving up, BUT thankfully the Lord had other plans for us. Now days we work hard to keep the Lord in the middle of our everything, and as often as possible pray that He goes ahead of us in our day to day routines, it is amazing (amazing but no surprise) that those days always go much smoother then the days I do not make time to call on Him.
I called this year (2009) out to be MY year. It has been just that. The Lord has worked in me like never before. I feel so full of love and better understanding of my Heavenly Father. As we learned Sunday at church that the better we understand God, the better we KNOW Him. Some days I don't make time and find myself feeling "further away" than I am comfortable with, and others I stop myself and slow down... I love those days. We also learned that God has called out upon each of us an authority. That hit me pretty hard. I know I am a courageous person and that I have never had a problem standing up for things that I believe in, but this was a different twist. It encouraged me to get even closer with the Lord so that by understanding Him more I will KNOW His will for me, and once I know His will for me as a daughter of Christ, a wife and a mother (among other things) I can go forth more boldly than ever before. Pastor Ryan read through Mark chapter 4 and brought up something I had never considered when reading that story. Ryan explained that when Jesus asked His disciples to go across to the other side He meant it, that was their calling out. When the wind and rains came and began flooding their boat, they cried out to God and asked him why he was letting them perish. God calmed the wind and the rain, but then looked to his men disappointed that THEY had not called the winds and rain knowing in faith that God was the one that asked them to go to the other side in the first place. I had always just seen the miracle in the story that God saved them and controlled the weather... but there was so much more there in that story, and for me it hit home. So before I can call out in faith authority over my home, family neighbors and whatever else, I need to get down to the basics and understand God better. One other thing I wrote down in my notes that sums this up for me is the definition of Authority. Authority-is the freedom to act, the power to act. Well I am going to work on understanding and doing just that. Walking Tall in the Kingdom.
I ordered some new books to help me along the way that I think will be very encouraging, once I start reading them I will let you know if I would suggest them or not.
In short (haha) life is going good. Baby is healthy and the pregnancy is going by faster at least for a little while now... Paisley is growing like a weed inside and out. She is definitely living up to the meaning of her name even at the age of 2. She is full of life and spreads life wherever she goes, praise God! She got a bike and started her first dance class to give her a creative outlet , independence and learn to be with other kids and listen to a teacher, we were so proud of her. She is of course our child though and we work daily on her stubbornness and strong will, both can be good in ways and not in other ways, so we are trying to stay on top of those characteristics as well. She loves "reading" and singing to my belly and kissing it often. Jason puts her to bed each night and I guess last night she said her own prayer " Jesus thank you for, five... Jesus love Momma, Daddy, baby... Jesus amen" haha gotta love it!
Well again we are just waiting for fall and all the wonderful Holiday traditions that come with it. This is going to be a perfect ending to a wonderful year. I can't imagine what the Lord will be bringing us next year, besides a new bundle of joy to complete our family! Oh my...
Thank you for taking the time to read my rambling, but now you are caught up.
Love Traci

Trusting in the Lord

Well trusting in the lord is nothing new for me and my family. Often when I find myself fully trusting in the Lord I am in the most uncomfortable place. A place I call "in the middle" not knowing what the final outcome will be. I am not a very patient person either, so that does not help. Well we are in the middle right now and waiting to see what the Lord has in mind for our family. We are currently 10weeks pregnant with our second child. We had company visiting from Bend, OR and we sat down for dinner when I didn't feel good all of the sudden. Long story short (and sparing the gory details) I realized that I was bleeding. I called my Dr and they told us to go to the ER. We were thankful we had our company and that it was their second night so they were comfortable watching Paisley for us. So Jason and I took off to the ER. They got us right in and then the waiting began. We arrived just before 9PM and got home just before 2AM after two ultrasounds, a pelvic exam and a few other tests they explained that we the babies heart is beating and that my uterus is completely unharmed. So that baby was OK and they called it a threatened miscarriage. So my body tried to miscarriage but the baby held on. They sent us home and put me on bedrest, my least favorite thing... also our trip to Oregon (we are supposed to leave this coming Sunday the 23rd) is on hold for now we are going in Friday and they will give us the go ahead or not. Yesterday Jason stayed home and watched Pais so I could stay on full bedrest. I got a lot of sleep but was still bleeding (not as much as the night before) and I was cramping really bad, so bad I was in tears on and off all afternoon and evening. So I called my Dr asking if that was normal after what happened the night before or if this was new, they explained that as of last night there was a heartbeat and now it is a matter of time to see what the final outcome is. We are staying positive and just waiting to see what the Lord has planned for our family. We trust and know from past experiences that everything happens for a reason, even though we may not know what the "reason" is right now we are at peace and waiting as patiently as we can to see what the final outcome will be. Check back here for updates and prayers are of course appreciated.
I personally am hanging in there, it is very emotional, especially having Paisley talk and ask about baby... I am enjoying Paisley in the mean time and being more thankful for her then ever before. Jason has been a great support and help mate and I am of course thankful for him too. I am missing family back home right now with my emotions running so high, but I am trying to stay strong.
We will continue to trust the Lord, we know He knew about this long before I was even born, so although this may be a surprise to us, this is no surprise to Him. We will continue to keep our faith in God and know that He will be our comfort and strength no matter the outcome.
Love The Kenitzer's

I love this...

Wabi-sabi is a set of ancient Japanese principles that center on celebrating and finding beauty in the imperfect and unconventional. Wabi is new, fresh and unfinished, while sabi is beauty that comes with age, wisdom and use.

HA, I would consider that ME in a nut shell... ugh oh a new tattoo :)

Agape Love

Agape love
Agape love is the love God sheds abroad in the hearts of his children. It is the same love Jesus gives freely to us. It is unconditional. It is not based on performance or even whether it is returned. It is a love that gives even when rejected.
More on this topic at another time...

Letting go, with help

Well I am not exactly sure how to word this. BUT it needs to be known. Lately the Lord has been very alive in our home. Jason has been on fire to read and know the word (the Bible) and has even inspired me along the way. We even take turns reading to each other each night before bed, and the Lord is bringing all sorts of new topics for us to talk about like never before. We started marriage counseling a few weeks ago. Everything was "fine" in our marriage, nothing to worry about, but we knew it could be more than just fine and we were ready to make the changes, for us and for Paisley. We belong to a church that has literally saved our lives. For me, after growing up in the presence and teaching of Ron Mehl (Ron Mehl the great, in my mind) I was spoiled. When he passed I thought there was no way I could ever find the leadership and Godliness that Ron empowered. For years I was right. But recently the Lord has brought us to a new church called The Bridge. It has really changed our lives and our family dynamic. We gladly and excitedly attend every Sunday, now bringing our visitors instead of using them as an excuse not to get up for church. Since moving to a new church the Lord has put me in a womens group that meets every other week. This group is very real and no more gossiping or pure venting, instead real things are happening in all of our marriages and families.

So now that you are some what up to date on our lives in Southern California... here comes the deep stuff. This may be news to some people. BUT Jason and I both have a drinking problem. We each have a different problem and have been "struggling" but ignoring the fact for many years. I personally have been drinking heavily and consistently since I was 13. I had my time with some drugs along the way back in high school and just out of high school days, with pot and cocaine. I was addicted to both at one point. Even as far as to selling cocaine... I know this may hurt a some of you who "raised" me but it is true and I am not one to hide my past, but instead learn from it. Sorry if this is embarrassing or upsetting but it is real. I was blessed to never get killed or kill anyone else during those times with the dumb and careless decisions I was making while on the drugs. (mostly just driving myself an others while intoxicated and even being pulled over multiple times but not getting caught) The Lord spared me more than I will ever know. I am not looking forward for that day in Heaven when He shows me all He spared me from and all that I deserved but He saved me from. It will be an emotional day... but I can only blame myself. Back to the alcohol. Alcohol is addicting just like the drugs were. The "problem" is that alcohol is socially exceptable. It is easier to hide (so we thought) as an obvious addiction. Over the past 6 months I can personally look back and see all the times the Lord was putting on my heart that I had a problem. Alcohol is not bad, in fact there is nothing wrong with alcohol, just like guns, it is the one holding the alcohol that has the power to make it a good thing or a bad thing. In my case I was abusing alcohol. I tried controlling the amount and how often Jason and I were drinking it. For example, we were each drinking at the LEAST 2 shots (of hard liquor) and 3 beers 5 nights a week and on the weekends, even more than that. (again for some of you this may be a surprise and others you already knew) I am small and young but have a huge tolerance for alcohol, for what ever reason... so I am not exaggerating and obviously this was a problem. We however never felt it was a problem. We each took turns justifying that "we are't getting drunk" or "look at Pais we are obviously good parents" and many more similar excuses to continue consuming massive amounts of alcohol. The Lord had had enough. He put it on my heart that we had to let alcohol become a problem in our household. I unfortunately and selfishly ignored His pleas... I briefly brought it up to Jason and it was met with much resistance. I used my husbands resistance as an excuse not to let go of alcohol and to attempt to control the amount we were intaking. Of course I already had a problem and was quite deep in it. So taking it on by myself was a joke and a waste of time. We ended up drinking even more! The Lord patiently and softly did not give up on me. One night I could not sleep and it was weighing on my heart very strongly. I brought it up to Jason very sheepishly, that I felt that the Lord wants me to give up alcohol all together. Completely stop. Jason thought I was crazy (I do not blame him, this was a HUGE change in our home and lifestyle, for him it was sudden and out of the blue) I went out into the living room and just cried, knowing what I needed to do, but honestly not thrilled at the idea of completely quiting. The Lord touched my heart and filled the voids that night. But no surprise, I got scared and uncomfortable and stopped for a few days, then decided to enjoy a beer feeling that I deserved one. (after all I gave it up for a new nights!) (HA!) So the following night was Monday night and I was meeting up with the ladies from my womens group. I rehearsed to myself over and over the whole car trip there, "Do not tell them about the alcohol, they won't understand, they will hold you accountable and you wont be able to keep working it out on your own, you will have them helping you" (that was the last thing that I wanted) Well the group talked about different points we were reading in our book. The next chapter that we talked about was titled "I sin a lot" the first question we talked about was "what sin has a strong hold in your life right now" Internally I was shouting out, but the rest of my insides were drowning at the thought of just letting it out in the open. I secretly (so I thought) looked around the room as a battle was going on inside of my head, when Jan a woman in our group was staring right at me... who knows for how long. She said, "Oh, Traci do you have something to say?" OH Sh** was honestly the next thing that went through my head... then all of the sudden I was spewing out everything I was going through and how I keep ignoring the Lords plea and was scared and EVERYTHING! In my head I was saying "oh great here we go! Your life is over, and you SAID you wouldn't tell them!" Then all I could do was cry. I was finally NOT in control. The Lord quit whispering and stepped in, (THANK GOD) not only did 4 other women know about my problem, but they were all ready to hold me accountable and encourage me. Then on top of that, they were huddled around me with their hands on me praying words of the Lord, full of encouragement, love, passion, God's will, and insight... my life was changed after the first prayer and there were still 3 more women to pray! We followed that by a talk that including Jason and him also stopping, a few of them knowing his personal battle with alcohol too. I said that he will not be a fan if he even agrees in the first place. I went home and prayed for him, and every night since, while continuing to NOT drink any alcohol. A few nights later I brought it up to Jason that I felt the Lord wanted him to stop as well, for himself, for me and for our family. He responded with much defense (again I do not blame him, the Lord speaks to each of us differently and in His timing) I had to trust that the Lord would have His way in Jason's heart on his own timing, not MY timing. I stepped back telling Jason and the Lord that this was not my battle to fight, that this was the Lord's. We went to bed not speaking. The following evening Jason came home and said "we need to talk" I was so scared he was going to say anything beside what actually came out of his mouth... He explained that all morning the Lord was weighing on his heart and that he was very emotional (Jason was allowing the Lord to show him what he wanted for Jason) Jason explained that he was ready and willing to give up alcohol completely too. The Lord had put on his heart reasons that made sense to him why it would benefit him to let go of alcohol as well.
So with the Lords help we are going forward with out alcohol in our life. As I said before it was a habit and a lifestyle for us. So each day is going to be a new adventure, but as it says in Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

I just wanted this out in the open. Please keep us accountable, and encourage us, we need it. We have made a hard decision to strengthen ourselves, our relationship (both our marriage and our marriage with our Heavenly Father) also and very importantly to be MUCH better parents and examples for the beautiful daughter that God has blessed us with.

Please feel free to email us with any questions or anything you may be feeling, we are out in the open about this, it is no secret. (any longer) Also, if you have any Bible verses that could help us in this change of lifestyle, we would greatly appreciate it. Of course prayers of praise to the Lord above is in order and prayers for continued help is always needed as well.

Thank you for your love and support. We appreciate and love you all, God bless
Love Traci and Jason

All I Need Is Jesus Ch 3

Ch 3 I have pride issues

Q#1 Can you think of a situation where pride has led to your downfall?

Not specifically, but pride is a sneaky area for me. She writes about befriending "needy" people. That spoke to me. I want to be filled up and encouraged by those I spend my time with. I am learning that instead of unfriending the "needy or not so fun to be around people in my life, I need to pray about who God wants me to spend my time with. then be prepared through prayer that many of those people may not be who I would choose.

Q#2 What areas do you struggle with pride?

I like to be in control and plan ahead. I am often humbled when the Lord takes me a different direction then I expected.

Q#3 Using the definition of humility, recognizing yourself for who you really are, how do you define yourself?

Bossy, stubborn, Stuck in MY ways, always attempting to hold the reigns.

Q#4 How does the fact that Jesus love you, just as you are, change your view?

I am learning to use my stronger characteristics like bossy and always leading for good and not bad. Just being aware that I have certain characteristics is a huge difference. I am learning to pray more and not just OFFER the Lord the reigns to my life in worship and prayer but actually give them over to Him. Because through His love and meeting me where I am at, imperfections, short comings and all, I am humbled that He loves me enough to forgive me over and over and over. Everlasting unconditional love is so powerful and an area in my life I really need the Lord to meet me at and share the burden of the yoke with Him, my Heavenly Father.
Matthew 11:28-30
Then Jesus said,"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. let me teach you, because I am humble and gently, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden i give you is light."

All I Need Is Jesus Ch 2

Ch 2 I am not a supermodel

Q#1 Do you feel pressure to look a certain way? Where does it come from?

Yes, I do feel that pressure. Ever since having Paisley and moving to California I have lost the confidence that I used to have. I am slowly but surely gaining that back. The pressure comes from myself, I am always comparing myself to more fit and in shape women, but that is what makes me get my butt off the couch and working out again, so I do not mind comparing.

Q#2 How do you think God views how you look?

I think it hurts His feelings when I do not fully appreciate the God given beauty He has blessed me with. I think He is pleased when I take care of my body and eat healthier and excersize, for both me and for my families sake.

Q#3 Do you give more care to your "inner" or "outer" beauty?

Sadly my outer. It is easier to focus on the outer beauty. The inner beauty takes a lot more work. Now that I have been challenged though, I will arise to the occasion and change that.